WARNING: VERY LONG RANT 😭

For a bit of context, the last relationship that I've[27M] been in na may "label" is back in 2019. She was my friend for a year prior and naging kami for 4 months. Someone sa friend group snitched that she was cheating on me for a while now. Okay sige, unlucky. Let pain and time do its thing and move on.

2nd attempt is nung late 2024, managed to land an office that job that pays really well. Was ready to let myself out there ulit and find a partner to share a laugh and create memories with. Found someone sa dating app early 2025 and the chemistry was amazing. We had similar hobbies, had the same humor, mahilig makipag banter or flirt sa isa't-isa and nearly everyday kami nag uusap/chat. We've shared very deep conversations about our lives and may times din na we would even send random selfies to each other and leave voicemails. Genuinely thought this woman was "the one" and wanted ung sagot nya sa akin.

On our 5th date, I gave her roses and a necklace. "Mahal na mahal kita Rose, pwede ba ako maging parte ng buhay mo?". "Huuy OMG thank you ha. Alam kong it takes a lot of courage to do this pero alam mo naman na I'm still in my healing journey diba? Super appreciated ko effort mo pero hintayin mo sagot ko ha". I agreed naman and had a mindset that our relationship will blossom into something more. Pero the complete opposite happened... what was once consistent replies turned into dry messages,  late and even seen replies. Ramdam ko na she was slow ghosting and lost interest. (I called her out, you can see what happens next sa image)

3rd attempt. Found her and met her sa dating app. She was 2 hours/1 bus stop away para makapg meet with one another pero it didn't bother me naman. We didn't really have a lot in common pero the chemistry was there too. We would tease or flirt each other a lot and banter quite often pero would lambing each other afterwards. We consistently talk/chat with one another everyday and even talked about previous bad relationship experiences. May mga times din na we would vent about personal life struggles. Trauma bonding basically. Pero we didn't mind each others company. Overtime, I started falling for her. I asked her out nung Valentines kasi di natuloy lakad nya with her friends. Surprised her with a boquet of roses, went to coffee and dinner. At the end of the date she said "Hindi ko talaga makita ehh. Hanggang tropa lang talaga tingin ko sa iyo." Wanted to cry so badly sa bus on my home pero I had to pigil talaga it kasi it was packed that night and didn't wanna cause a scene sa mga tulog na.

Noticing a pattern? All of my relationships only lasts for MONTHS. 4 is my MAX. I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED being in a relationship with someone for more than that. I have only 1 close friend circle and they are all in a relationships sa jowa nila for years. Legit if the topic is romance di ako makasabay and I always felt left out. One of them is even married na and kaka 1 year anniversary lang recently. My cousin and I installed dating apps at the same time and the person that he matched with, already celebrated 1 year. 

Where the hell is mine? Why can't I have this? Boring ba ako? Am I not interesting enough? Am I not that attractive? Is chivalry dead? Do nice guys really finish last? Sobrang crappy ba ng dating scene these days?
Negative thoughts that linger my mind from time to time. 

My only wish is to grow old with someone. Sobrang sarap ng feeling knowing someone out there that cares and loves you for you who are. I wanted to be vulnerable to someone and talk about my everyday life kahit mga maliliit na bagay lang. 

"Maghintay ka lang, darating sya" - Bro if I hear this quote one more time 😭😭😭

"Bat ka kasi nag da-dating apps? Try mo kaya organic encounters" - I am a introverted person before but then slowly turned into an ambiverted one thanks to stepping out sa comfort zone ko. I will eventually try this option once I gather enough courage and regained my confidence.

I am losing confidence in romance and in myself.