Ready to puncture my femoral artery and bleed out

Punctured a bit of it last night as I laid in the tub. I had to put pressure on it and go sit outside of my apartment.

My partner has hurt me physically quite a few times and he won’t acknowledge or repair. Every time I do, he says I made him do it, and gives me a whole lot of what-about-isms. We’re separated right now and he’s been dragging this out for almost 2 months now.

We have loved each other so much through everything. This is an age gap relationship and I’m his little. I can’t deal with this anymore. I have never been this vulnerable or soft with anybody and he hasn’t either.

I’m ready to bleed the fuck out. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. My family of origin will never understand, they’re boomers and immigrants and have their fucked up view of seeing the world, but their world stops at .5 radius of their house. They don’t understand ANYTHING.

Been unemployed for over a year and struggling to find a job. SSRIs make me so fucking sick. I don’t drink or do drugs, although I honesty wish I did at this point.

I’m ready to fucking end it all right now

I truly wish I kept my mouth shut after all the times he hurt me bc I wouldn’t be in this position at all. We’d be together right now, sitting at the beach, and happy