Boyfriend’s inability to create boundaries with his family caused break up.

I was dating my bf for almost 3 years. We just mutually broke up, and although I am sad, I also have this sense of relief. The weirdest feeling, though, is that I have this feeling of being traumatized from this relationship due to his toxic family dynamic. His family is controlling (the “blood is thicker than water” family), brother was abusive and enabled my his parents which caused a lot of problems and fights, and they had dependency issues (I.e. boyfriend had to help out with everything including their family business when he has a full-time job). This was my main reason for breaking up as he couldn’t and wouldn’t set up strict boundaries between his family. He even moved out of his family’s house only to live 10 minutes away from them and wasn‘t understanding on why I was concerned about this. All of these issues with his family caused me to be his therapist and listen to all of the negativity for years, and I truly think it had a major negative impact in our relationship that was rooted in his parents wanting control over his life, and him not recognizing how his family upbringing impacted his life and his ability to maintain relationships. 

I feel like now that the rose-colored glasses are off, I genuinely cannot believe what I have witnessed, heard, and endured with his family these last 3 years. I’m not disappointed in staying this long or being there as a support system as I had a lot of love for my ex, but I feel like I’m experiencing a shock in my body over this whole situation. Everyone in my life has said this was the right choice for me, and I know my brain is agreeing with them, but my heart aches at what our relationship could’ve been had he set the right boundaries up front.