I’m not sure how to feel about my gender identity (CW: internalized something idk)

I’m (23F) a cis Omni sexual cisgendered woman.

I think anyways

My sexuality isn’t the “I think” here. It’s my gender.

I was born a woman. I grew up in the tri-cities area of East Tennessee. The appalachias, Dolly Parton bumfuck redneck territory. The Bible Belt. But now I’m not so sure

Ive felt weird about my gender lately. When I was younger I made jokes about wanting to be a boy, whatever. But now it’s like I have an ideal male-oriented name (Tucker) if I ever did transition, I feel genuinely happy when people use he/him online. But im a woman.

It’s fucked cus like on some measure I think it’s internalized transphobia or sum. I don’t feel fully

Male, I don’t feel fully female, but presenting strictly as a woman makes me feel weird. Like I see those yeeyee ass country boys in their ford F-150’s and their lil trucker hats and I feel genuine gender envy on a level my friends cannot relate to. I want to be them. I wish I were flat but I’m so large binding wouldn’t even make it passable

But at the same time it’s like, well I know me. Just be “normal”. Be emily, you were born a woman, don’t think too deeply about it.

But I am.

Idk

I wanna be a boy but I wannna be girl. I don’t wanna be neither. I’m not sure what I am. I feel like the beliefs grew up with have influenced my opinion on it and I’m genuinely scared to be genderfluid or test new pronouns because it’s weird. It’s unexpected. I’m emily, not Tucker. But I want to be Tucker. Rlly bad. Or maybe a “Hunter” too.

I just think that I wish for male body parts way more than a cis woman should wish for them and idk I’ve been thinking abt it a lot lately. Just wanted to say this somewhere I felt safe where none of my family have my socials