Im lost and I have no idea what to do anymore

Im in 32 year old male. I have autism but I wasnt diagnosed until a few years ago. My life growing up was very chaotic. My dad was there but a abusive drunk and my mom was in another state or taking care of my sisters. I dropped out of school before entering high school. I moved out when I was 20 years old and just, I couldn't hold a job EVER. My grandparents always helped me. I got my GED when I was 22 and then my grandfather passed away. I moved back to the east coast to live with my grandmother and help her. Even then, I still could not hold a job and I was put on medication by a psychiatrist that I thought I trusted.

I finally held a job for 10 months in the restaurant industry. Only reason I barwly held that job was because I was using substances. I stopped using substances in my mid twenties and I havent been able to hold a job. Sensory issue, communication issues, noise, people, routine, everything gets to me and then I have meltdowns. I was put back on three different psychiatric medications and told I had bipolar. I was fucked and I swear those meds did harm to me.

Finally got a diagnosis and then my then psychiatrist recently told me in our last appointment that she diagnosed me wrong. I cold turkey all the meds. I have ALWAYS makes my symptoms. So that brings us to present day...

I have no family anymore due to a shit ton of drama last month. The woman that I was seeing for two months every single day has slowly stopped talking. I care about her so much. Im broke, I live alone, I have jobs lined up but the one job is an hour commute one way and the other job is Uber Eats. I havent started either and with all this stress I am severely overwhelmed, stressed out, and having crying meltdowns sometimes twice a day. I miss this woman so freaking much. I know this retail job is going to hurt me badly and im terrified of Uber Eats.... I start Uber Eats tonight. What do I do? I dont no anymore. I just want to work on farms again.