I don't even know how to title this

(18F) This is my first time posting and english is not my first language and I feel bad so sorry. It's weird, I'm not panicking like I should but I still a hollowness and uncomfortable feeling in my chest when I think about all this. I feel this is our last year, or months even, and I mean that these are the last "good" ones. I've spent the last days reading all the posts on collapse, and I really believe we don't have many time left. Climate change is accelerating, AI is gonna replace most if not all jobs, the war is gonna make our lives miserable, I wish I could word it in a better way but that's it for me, in simple words.

I don't know how to feel, of course I'm scared but I'm not panicking, I feel sorrow and grief but I don't feel myself drowning in them. I think the best word to describe it is numb. I feel numb about a lot of things right now. I want to care about social causes, like feminism, like queer rights, I want to care about the people in west asia, Ukraine and Palestine, I want to care about the animals, about the chronically ill individuals. But an ugly part of me thinks, what's the point? They are going to die anyway, horrible deaths probably and then nothing would have matter, and I hate it, it's not fair, it's horrible to think like that but it's inevitably how my thoughts spiral. If it wasn't wars, horrible politics or awful healthcare systems, then it would have been the famine, droughts and awful climate that climate change is gonna bring.

I don't wanna prep for collapse, I don't think what's coming is survivable in any way and even if it were, why would I even want to survive in a world that's going to be so awful? where the things that bring me happiness and peace will be gone and the few people that care about me and I love will be suffering and grieving? Just because I should? Because something good might happen? I don't want that, I want stability, I want what I have right now and when it's gone, I seriously don't see the point in prolonging sufferment, I just don't think it's worth it.

I live in Mexico, in the north, it's not realistic for me to leave, I'm just 18 and unemployed, living with my parents. No I don't want to join to any community, I don't want to bond with people that are going to die anyway, I already grieve for my parents and my cousin. I don't care too much about myself but they are different, I don't want them to suffer, I want them to have a peaceful death, I don't know what to do, the end is near and when I see people talking about how we might have two or five years left I feel they are being optimistic, but I'm not an expert.

I wish it was just me, I wish I didn't have parents or a single friend so this would hurt less, I wish it was just my pathetic self.

I don't even know what is this, vent? A rant? A cry for help or reassurance? A last-ditch at shutting to the void to get ignored yet again? I don't know, I'm not sure. I'm sorry.