Do I stay in a toxic marriage or do I miss half my kid's life?

I've been married to my husband for 3 years, been dating for 3 prior to getting married. We have a 2 year old kid. The relationship wasn't perfect to begin with, I used to feel just confused and exhausted a lot and over the course of the last year through therapy realized my husband is a covert narcissist and obviously now I can't unsee it and it all makes sense. Anyone who understands narcissism knows it's the kind of personality disorder you don't outgrow or leave behind so my hopes for "working on the relationship" or doing couple's counseling are zero.

If we were childless I'd left months ago. But here's the catch: we have a toddler and he's not a terrible father on paper so the chances of him asking for 50/50 are 100 percent and the chances of getting it are pretty high as well. The thought of missing half my very young child's life is tearing me apart to the degree that I've been having panic attacks for the first time in a decade.

In my head it boils down to this choice: Break free from an abusive relationship but loose half my kid's life or loose myself in a toxic relationship but at least get the gift of spending every day with my baby. I've been thinking about this and what the right choice would be for literal months now and making a call seems impossible. Staying seems impossible. Leaving seems equally impossible.

Other single parents keep telling me they still cry in their empty apartments after every handover after years of doing 50/50. It never gets easier. A life in pain. A life missing the best thing about your life 50 percent of the time. Then again, now adult children of parents who "stayed together for the kids" keep telling me how traumatizing it was witnessing a cold, loveless and even toxic marriage without being able to escape. It wrecked their understanding of what love and relationship looks like. They would have given anything for their parents to divorce.

I feel so exhausted from this inner fight I've been fighting for months now. I'm stuck in this emotional and mental loop and I can't see clearly anymore. To anyone who's been in my situation, please: how did you decide? How did it play out? Any regrets?

I would love to hear first hand experiences of people who were faced with the same choice - no matter how you chose.