i hate myself

i hate my life. i hate waking up. i hate brushing my teeth. i hate taking a shower. i hate having to get dressed. i hate my hair. i hate having to brush my hair and style it everyday. i hate that i can’t shave it off without hating myself even more. i hate having to eat everytime i’m hungry. i hate that i need to be high in order for me to eat. i hate having to be someone. i hate having to be someone for somebody else. i hate that i can’t kill myself without worrying about who is gonna take care of and love my dog. i hate that i have a dog i love so much. i hate that i have a boyfriend that still wants me. i hate that i have a mom who won’t kick me out even though i’m worthless and useless. i hate that i have to get a job in order to live. i hate that i have to do that job every day until i die. i hate that i didn’t go to college. i hate that i got depressed early in life. i hate that i’m about to turn 23. i hate that i have no skills. i hate that i have no hobbies. i hate that i have nothing i’m passionate about. i hate that every time i get the tiniest sparkling of joy from thinking about my future apartment or the new style i want to dress like i get reminded that there are people dying everyday every where and i’m thinking about stupid shit. i hate that i’m not doing anything for these people because i can’t even do for myself. i hate that all i do is cry and want to sleep my life away. i hate that i had so much hope for my future when i was 15 and i feel like i’m failing myself. i hate being asked “what do you got planned for the day” or “what did you do today”. i hate that i’m always angry. i hate that i’m impatient and easily annoyed. i hate that i have destroyed almost every relationship and have isolated myself. i hate that i feel the need to isolate myself.

i zoned out , now i don’t remember what i was gonna hate anymore .. that’s all folks

nothing to see here. nothing at all.