Mom (50) is choosing husband (50) over me, f17.

There have been many incidents where I haw felt disrespected years before, but they are starting to culminate/become more frequent.

My parents are divorced and I’ve lived with my mom. I can’t remember but probably 8 ish she started dating her husband. I was too young to really fully process, but my mom did say that I went to therapy and when asked about her moving on, I did not like it. She said she knew this but did it anyway.

Then, he moved in the house. I was never okay with this because my parents had not gotten divorced that long ago and I felt like it was a boundary crossing, but I was too young to articulate. But she also never asked me.

During Covid, we moved to a more rural area to help with my grandparent’s and he moved with us. Then, they got married. Ever since, I have felt like a second class citizen. He is loud and never cleans up after himself, but whenever I do the same thing, my mom is very quick to yell at me.

Not only that, but I have asked her multiple times in the past to make him stop laughing or being snarky when I do small behaviors, or even if I’m just talking. She has said that “You don’t know what we’ve talked about” and when I would ask why if they talked about it that it keeps happening, she would say “I can’t make him stop.” Which is outrageous because maybe you should actually get your husband to respect your daughter.

One time he was criticizing me for not cleaning up and I brought up the fact he never cleans out the microwave, that it is always dirty and I have to clean it up after him. He threw a fit and said that since he bought it I can clean it up after him, nearly yelling at me.

He used to take me to the bus stop, and one day he got up out of his truck and pointed at me, and said quite loudly, “It can be a lot worse” after I mumbled I hated him when getting out. There were people there.

When I tried to call my paternal grandfather when her husband was watching tv, (it’s an open concept house and I was in the kitchen but it is connected to the living room) he got upset and TOLD me to go upstairs because he was watching tv and to finish the call elsewhere. Mind you, he talks so fucking loud all the time and I wasn’t even being that loud. I had barely said hello to my grandpa and had to hang up. When I got my mom, she was annoyed and said that SHE never gets any peace in this house. I brought up her husband’s attitude and he gave a half assed apology and when I didn’t accept it, my mom was like “oh what else do you want from him?”

My mom accepted his half assed apologies which he didn’t even directly give to me, yet complains that I don’t respect him enough. I have told her multiple times that respect is earned and she just says I’ve been rude to him too. Which yeah tbh, I have, but if you were in my situation you would too.

My maternal grandfather gifted me a BB gun but he has a forgetful memory, so he forgot to tell me. He gave it to my stepdad to give to me. My mom’s husband never fucking told me. I only learned when my grandfather remembered one day when I was talking to him and asked me about it, and I said that I had no clue. When I confronted my mom and stepdad about this, they said that we could “share it” like I needed to. It’s mine.

Speaking of sharing, despite the fact he lives on my family’s land, when he got into an argument with me, he said my house highlighting how he does not see this home as mine.

All this culminated last night when I had a breakdown over it, and texted my mom (because she always talks over me) and said how I take back every time I have forgiven this mistreatment and will only accept change. She said that she loves me very much and is sorry. I hope she loves me and I think she does, but I am never actually prioritized and always pushed aside.

She never asked me if I wanted therapy, I had to ask for it repeatedly and she always delayed it and we are only now actually starting to do it.

I will probably confront her more and press her more tonight because I refuse to tolerate this bullshit any fucking longer.

TLDR: my mom’s husband never shows any respect and my mom lets it slide repeatedly, letting him take my stuff, disrespect me /!: embarrass me but respect to him is expected.