i don’t know what to do anymore (this will be a very long post)

i have been a nanny for the same family since 2022. i used to go through a company but as of last fall i work independently for the family. when the split happened the family did give me a good raise (i only got one in the years i worked for the company). i do not have pto, i do not get sick pay, and i do not have guaranteed hours. i stupidly let the dad i work for make the contract (i know stupid move on my part but i struggle with confrontation with this specific family only because of other things that have happened with them in the past and i have never written a contract of any kind). it’s an extremely basic contract. truthfully too basic. all it says is that i work for them at their address, my hours that i agreed to work, outlines the tasks that im expected to do, and has a basic clause about giving notice to leave for either party. as of now the kids are 4 and almost 3 and there’s another baby on the way, all boys. i am the only nanny they’ve ever had. they moved august 2024 to a new house. this is when things started to go downhill. i worked almost a 48 hour shift straight to help with the move (an entire separate story). they asked me to go on an international vacation with them in september 2024. around november i got a series of very long texts from the mom saying that basically i wasn’t doing my job well enough and restating the tasks im expected to do as well as saying that i was being too loud with the kids when disciplining. (i admit i do struggle with this but it’s something i have worked on a lot since then and isn’t an issue anymore). it was more than that but that’s the basics. she also asked me to my face what was going on at home because she noticed that i had been “off” and that since nothing was going on at work (which was not true. that was the main source of my frustration and irritation) that something had to be going on at home that was a big deal and affecting my work. the mom and i were at one point friends and very close with each other so it wasn’t weird of her to ask how i was doing but the way she worded it just rubbed me the wrong way. it came off a bit condescending and rude but i let it go and said that i was fine just struggling with some family things so she would let it go. during this time is when they started leaving the sink full of dishes and the kids toys all over the playroom majority of the time when i would come in. because of all the messages i had been getting from them saying that i basically wasn’t doing enough and the fact that i struggle with confrontation with them i didn’t say anything to them and i just did it so they wouldn’t have anything else to say to me (again stupid of me i know). since then things have only gotten worse. dishes and toys are frequently left for me to clean. i’ve been asked several times to clean up the kitchen because they have company coming over. but the biggest issue is the mom coming home later than i’m scheduled. and it’s always mom, never dad. on mondays, wednesday’s, and fridays, i get let go earlier than my scheduled time because dad comes to work from home in the afternoons these days and the 2 year old is napping (4 year old goes to preschool in the day). so i already miss out on 6 hours every week at least of pay. tuesday’s and thursdays, mom comes home first. she picks up 4 y/o from school at 3 then it’s 20 mins home. i get off at 3:30. however frequently she comes home late and gives me no notice and doesn’t ask if i mind to stay extra (it’s truthfully been a problem since i started but never this bad). sometimes it’s 5 to 10 minutes. sometimes 15 to 30. recently it’s been an hour and a half. she goes to run errands and doesn’t even ask me if i mind to stay later than my scheduled time or give me any kind of notice that she’ll be late ever. i have missed appointments and had to push back and even reschedule plans because of this. the last 2 thursdays in a row she’s been late an hour and a half. the other issue is that they take A LOT of vacations. almost 1 every month. they’re always about a week long and i don’t get much notice (at most a month when most of the time they know well before this). because i don’t get guaranteed hours i don’t get paid for this. the dad also sometimes doesn’t work on fridays so he tells me not to come in. and again i don’t get guaranteed hours so i don’t get paid for this. during these times i can’t get another job for just a day or just a week and i can’t get a second job at the moment. so i’m just short money and having to find ways to pay bills and make money stretch. and their parenting style has developed into something i do not agree with. there’s no disciple or punishment of any kind and definitely not consistently. the 4 year old had gotten really rude and disrespectful since he started school and every morning will scream at me when i wake him up for school. a couple weeks ago he started hitting me and spitting in my face. i enforce my boundaries of no hitting and spitting firmly every time, tell him it’s not acceptable, and walk away. the parents have heard this happen on multiple occasions and done nothing pretty much every time. they don’t even have him apologize. still every morning he screams at me and tries to hit me when i wake him up but since i expect it now im able to stop him before he does. he doesn’t listen and i find myself having to ask him no less than 15 times every single morning to do each task he has to do to get ready (eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed). the 2 year old is mostly fine, just normal 2 year old things you’d expect and i do genuinely love my days with him. i’m at the point now where i dread coming to work because first thing in the morning i know im going to be screamed at and tried to hit and then have to fight for about 45 minutes for him to do what he’s supposed to do. there’s almost always dishes from the night before and toys all over the playroom. there’s always a mountain of dishes in the drying rack. there’s always something extra to do that i shouldn’t have to. and on top of all that having to stay twice a week for however long the mom needs me, never knowing when she’ll be home or when i can leave. i can’t make doctor or dentist appointments and i had to quit therapy because i kept missing appointments even when i would tell her i had an appointment at a certain time she would come home late. i don’t feel i should have to say what i have to do in my personal life to be able to leave on time. realistically i know i need to quit and should’ve a long time ago but any non nannying job is a severe pay cut but im not confident that they would give me a good letter of recommendation either because of all the things that happened in fall/winter 2024. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m beyond burnt out. and there’s so much more i didn’t say or explain here that’s an issue as well.