I cant believe someone could break me like this without even laying a hand on me - neglectful narcissist

I am very alone with my pain right now, my family is a long way away and I am isolated. I guess this was why I was a good target. I have been trying to figure out just what was wrong with him and the closest match is neglectful narcissist. This is a more unknown but definitely should be more known form of narcissistic abuse, where the damage is more done through what is not done if that makes sense. Its a very passive and horrible form of abuse.

I have never met anyone more expert at making me feel worthless. Like my whole world and even humanity is irrelevant and erased. Its like his every action must imply this. Examples are

1. Always being late
2. Saying hes coming over and then just not showing up and ignoring messages. Ive been sat in a full face of makeup all night left hanging so many times - and he has the nerve to complain i don't put in effort in my looks anymore, whats the point, it never stopped the abuse.
3. Silent treatment for god knows what, im often confused about what I actually did wrong. Im always made to feel guilty, a constant pervading sense of guilt that its me causing his misery. Sometimes what i did wrong was stand up to his abuse, finally lose my temper, or get drunk to relieve my pain. Thats his favorite weapon against me. My literal responses to his abuse is what he attacks me for.
4. Makes a point of being much nicer to everyone else, even animals are much higher in his estimation than me. Hes literally way nicer to my cat than me, and makes a real show of it. I was shocked hearing him talk to his friend on the phone one time as he was such a nicer person to them. Does everything for his family.
5. Excludes me from social events with his family and friends. I dont get asked and they are often not mentioned to me until after and im ghosted whiles he actually at event ao I have no idea whats going on. I think he does not mention then as he knows how desperately lonely i am and have begged for me to be included so hes worried I will want to come. Its makes me think hes ashamed of me and loves me isolated and suffering. Ive never met a single friend of his in 4 years and it took 2 years to let me meet his mother hes very close with, but only as I said id leave him if not.
6. Constantly shows body language that puts me on edge, like eye rolling, sighing, crossed arms, leaning away etc. When you are passionately talking about something meaningful to you or having a laugh, theres something so horrible about this, you instantly shut down. My world is an inconvenience to him and boring.
7. Always on his phone, playing violent video games he knows I hate (i have told him i have ptsd from a violent car accident so i cant handle this content, he still keeps putting it on), or has tv on, no emotional intimacy at all. Never has wanted to hang and chat and get to know me. Any possible moment of closeness is ruined by him taking a device out.
8. On this note, rarely responds to my imput unless its about him or something he agrees with, but will repeat my points i just said back at me, revealing he was never listening. Also rarely responds to my successes or knows anything about my life story. He never asks. He does not even know me after 4 years. I've realised its because he just does not care
9. Never takes me anywhere unless I beg, and then he will complain and ruin the day anyway. Ive only had like 2 days out with him in 4 years. No dates ever. Took him to concert of favourite band and he made my cry with his cruelty, ruining whole night. Hes keeps me to himself.
10. On this note, always ruins things are important to me. Makes it about him and puts down my interests. Every single time im feeling joyful, he somehow puts me down again. I have learnt to not show joy around him. They train the joy out of you.
11. Made me sleep with another man. I think humiliation is a turn on for him or something.
12. Buys me lots of food and gifts so I owe him now and I must take the neglect of everything else.
13. He has refused to commit to me and still lives with his mother. Hes 32. Hes like a manchild spoiled brat
14. On this note, the entitlement is unreal. I literally was waiting on him, cooking cleaning etc and hes still cold with me like hes was owed those things anyway, so why do I deserve appreciation. There's never any appreciation unless its to get something.
15. Chronic victim and used DARVO at every opportunity
16. Gaslighter - im "too senstive", "cant take a joke", "think everything is an attack", "crazy", "braindead", often just for asking him to be nicer to me. He'd say I never meant to hurt you etc, always some plausible denial.
17. Always plays devils advocate with almost every single opinion I have, no matter how mundane
18. Nitpicking, constant criticism and belittling. I can't even play a video game without being made to feel incapable and dumb.
19. Never ever does any kind of PDA at all. Won't even touch me or hardly look at me in public. Walks ahead.
20. Won't acknowledge my knowledge on subjects im expert in. He will literally mansplain topics to me that ive studied. On that note, he has barely any education and dropped out of school at 16. Ive been to uni twice and college twice but im the dumb one. Thing is im smarter than him and he knows it, I know this is part of why he abuses me and had me feel like the im the idiot.
21. His love of politics has slowly started to divolve into vitriolic rants that often border on racism.
22. He is the most negative, party pooper person ever. Sees the worst in everything and everyone. I think this is where the racism is coming from. Judges everyone and everything for their worst
23. Can be very charming and lovely sometimes. Can be very funny and charismatic. His is very skilled at the hoover. In his good phases I almost couldn't believe the bad times. He is 2 different people. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde stuff.

Well writing this out has certainly done what I hoped it would, and that is cement my decision to leave him. I cannot believe I let my self esteem and respect get so low that I tolerated this. I feel like ive been under a spell. I am now facing my self and my own issues with emotional neglect from youth that got me in this situation to begin with. I am going to use this as a learning curve, but my God it hurts.