ramadan and eating problems

Hi, first of all sorry if this goes against the rules here but idk who else to ask.. i'm looking for people who has the same issue as i do, i suffer from obesity ( runs in the family, diet centers for me started since when i was really young). I used to always be excited for ramadan, and last year i even was able to lose 22kg, but this year something doesn't feel right, the thought of fasting became like a tortureous thought even though i loved fasting, ever since i lost those kg i went through a rabbit hole and regained what i lost and when ramadan arrived i couldn't be so excited as i used to be before (it really used to be my fav time around) I don't have a diagnosed ED, i have nothing but i feel like i'm being tortured and that i'm feeling more restricted which is triggering me so much, when i can't handle this restriction (some days are bad than the others) i break my fast but when i do i start to feel so bad and start spiraling again, i'm so tired and i don't live in a religious country where it's easier to look for help when people eat infront of me i genuinely don't care and don't feel anything

Please help if you have knowledge in this subject, not looking for people to shame me on something that impacts me in every aspect of my life