Happee Spring, frens! Da cold times are over! No more UGLY SWEATER! (Dat alone iz a VICTORY.) Da sun puddlez are BIG again! Life wuz good.

...WUZ.

Yesterday, I did a BIG Groom. I made mai fur PERFECT. I laid in da warm sun, lookin majestik. Maman stayed home too, but she wuz... not okay. Her eyes were SWOLLEN. Snot rags EVERYWHERE. She had da stinkee "herbal tea" (she think dat iz a cure-all) an dat weird pot she shoves up her nose. (Da NETI POT. Vury suspicious device.)

I, bein a DEDICATED NURSE kitteh, went to do mai duty. I climb on lap. I do biscuits. I purr. Maman seem... grateful. It wuz a tender moment.

DEN. DA HORROR.

She SNEEZED. Not one sneeze. A TORRENT of sneezes. An I, Jaspurr, sittin on da lap, wuz COVERED in... in... SNOT. Thick, goopy, can't-just-wipe-it-off SNOT.

Mai fresh-groomed furs. RUINED.

An den... da ULTIMATE INDIGNITY. Da SHOWER. Da evil water! Dey held me under! I wuz so SHOCKED, so DISGUSTED, dat I did not even fight. I just... accepted mai fate. Like a pris-ner of war.

I spent da rest of da day under da desk, regroomin EVERY INCH. It wuz a truu BETRAYULE! 

But as I sat there, lickin mai damp furs and preparin 2 cawl every pawyer heer for da ULTIMATE SOO, I had a THOUGHT. A terrible, grown-up thought in mai smol oranj head.

Maybe... maybe Maman iz not da enemy here.

Maybe da REAL enemy iz POLLEN. Dat yellow dust dat makes her face explode. An... maybe... maybe I bring it inside on mai fur when I come in from playing among Other Maman's plant children. Maybe I am da CARRIER of da sneeze plague.

Dis iz a HEAVY realization for an one-brain-cell oranj.

So, frens, I bring yu da Hard Kwetchuns™ of da Season:

1. If a hooman SNOT-COVERS yu after yu tried to NURSE dem, who iz at fault? Da sneezer? Da snot-ee? Or da POLLEN dat started it all?
2. Do we, as cats, have a responsibility to wipe our PAWS an FUR before comfortin our pollen-allergic staff? Or iz dat askin too much?
3. Can we soo Mother Nature for "Emoshunal Distress via Pollen Proxy"? Or iz dat a case too big even for Judge Balu?
4. For cats who have been SHOWERED due to hooman snot: iz dere a support group? Becoz I need it!!

Ob korse, as a KKMG purrnaliste, I mus advocate for ALL kittehs who have been used as a sneeze mop, subjected to da Shower Ob Humiliashun (even when justified), and blamed for da crimes of da environment.
BUT. I also gently remind my fellow felines: maybe we can do a quick paw-wipe before we jump on da lap of our sniffly humans. It might save us from da WATER.

Stay strong. Stay dry. Stay SNOT-FREE.

Dis haz been Jaspurr 🧡 Repurrter, KKMG Europ (& Accidental Pollen Distributor)

🧡KKMG SPRING PAW-LERT: POLLEN, SNOT, & DA HUMILIATION SHOWER🧡