I’m such a fuck up

I’m a first year eng student at university of western Ontario. I am a second gen immigrant, both parents graduated university in their home country, came here and are not very well off at all. I grew up in a coop as the oldest of 6, parents take school as the number one priority, in high school I didn’t really care until grade 11 where I did excellent, and maintained 85+ avg all till graduation and I was really proud of myself, nearing the end of grade 12 i decided to cut off all of the people I knew from hs and also my other friends including my best friend because I realized that they didn’t really care about me and never showed me any kind of respect, after that I was in the worst place I had ever been after graduating i wanted to get a job but never did, although I did apply to some places, I spent all of last summer just staying up very late and waking up even later, one time I slept until 7:30pm, this carried on until university started in September, going in i wanted to do a lot of things like join some clubs related to engineering, make friends and do well in my study’s. It went extremely poorly, I have done none of things i wanted to do. I have no friends. I have failed one course from last semester and have dropped 5, I am failing all of my classes this semester and have only been going to my two night classes. I am very scared, worried, and anxious, that I am in all likely hood going to fail out of the first year. I have just been lying to my family about my studies, saying that I’m doing good, I don’t know how to tell them the truth especially because I have had lying issues with them in the past which got me into a lot of trouble. I don’t know what they will do. I don’t know what I will do, I have been seriously considering suicide recently as well although I have been thinking about it since April 2025 either through hanging or pill overdose. I honestly don’t do anything through out my day, usually in my bed on my phone for hours, I have developed a very strong insomnia and because of my habits I think I probably have some degree of brain damage. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and am honestly starting to think I’m just not worth it anymore and I feel so bad about it to because my parents care about me a lot and have done so much for me so I feel so guilty for being this way.