questioning if im 4w5 or 9w1 (infj)

Basically while writing this down I already put together the whole picture in my mind hahah but I'd like to hear from y'all to make sure I understood this correctly

Sometimes I withdraw from my emotions and focus on being analytical, independent, grounded, disciplined, doing physical activities. And recently I also started seeking stimulation all the time, so going to events, parties, getting a pirecing, a tattoo, riding a rollercoaster. It's all ways for me to shut down my emotions, I think, and when I do that my sadness turns into passive aggression instead. When reading e9 description I got ashamed, like people say you're supposed to do when reading your type lmao, because even though I was very sensitive as a kid, was an outsider and longed to be understood, as well as be unique, my whole life goal since childhood was also to be liked and admired by everyone. I'll usually let others decide, and recently I noticed if someone disagrees with me I'll say "no I agree with that too". I've become less radical in the past couple years by trying to "hear out" everyone and it makes me angry for being so spineless. I am scared of confrontation and I hate to admit it, I hate being such a doormat.

If as a kid or teen I used to be super disciplined and productive, nowadays most of the time I'm lazy, undisciplined (but I still really strive to be disciplined again), I put off the actually important tasks and instead focus on sleeping, eating, cleaning and my hobbies. However, some of this can be explained by the fact that I've been struggling with depression the past..uh 7 years. I finally don't feel depressed now but maybe lying in my bed and staring into the ceiling for so long left an imprint.

So far I guess I'm still 4w5, but sometimes I lean more into my wing, and sometimes 4 goes into 1 or 2 which are why I'm idealistic and perfectionist and why I people please, and the 9 and 7-like behaviours are just from my mental illness (hate calling it that). Makes sense?