Do I close the door on the relationship or give it time for repair?

My relationship ended a while ago after a bad fracture caused from many influences. Largely, a joint individual therapist impacted my framing (she framed him so negatively) and that made me look at things with a different lens. My communication altered to what she expressed was the best or healthy way etc. This shifted the relationship dynamic, which impacted how he responded, which impacted how I responded and vice versa. It was a vicious cycle.

Anywho. It all came to a head and he broke up with me because he didn’t like who either of us were becoming. He’d rather us apart and our better selves then together and not.

Since the split, it came to my attention what my therapist was doing was wrong. There’s been professional consequences for them as a result.

I’ve found my own voice again, I’m regulated and when I’m not, it’s controlled not spiraling out of control.

He needs time and space to process/heal. I do too. We’re on good talking terms, affectionate with each other etc. communication has been inconsistent (min is now once a day). There’s a bit of a push/pull effect going on. Once he feels emotionally vulnerable or open, he pulls back. Rinse/repeat.

I’m getting to a point where it’s greatly impacting me. I miss him, I’m longing for our relationship and the “yes we will get back together if things stay consistent”.

He’s said there’s nothing that will stop him from choosing me accept if we are that unhealthy. He says he loves me. He misses me. That if it doesn’t work with me, he’s going to stay single (this was pre abs post breakup). He’s clearly hurt (as am I). But at the same time, he has said he doesn’t know if we will be able to get back in a relationship. Initially he’d said with the consistency yes, but it shifted a few weeks after to “even then”. Yet he still is affectionate (yes less than before). He’s still showing up and giving it what he has capacity for.

But waiting is harming me. I used to be so sure he’d never leave. But he did when I was at my darkest hour. I didn’t leave him when he was at his. This is not tit for tat, just stating a fact.

So the dilemma,

Do we follow the somewhat unspoken boundaries that are in place right now and wait (how long do I?)

Or do I set a boundary for myself? A time limit of “you can handle this for xyz time, but after that you’re pushing yourself too far”. I am not interested in dating anyone else after him so I’d wait even if he found someone else.