Mother gaslights me as “needy” if I want to approach any subject that is inconvenient to her

My mother is quite child like in the sense that she quickly becomes avoidant, manipulative and is generally very ignorant of others emotional needs. I previously viewed my father as the narcissist because he was an absolute monster (violent, controlling the narrative, verbally abusive).

However, it’s taken me an age to work out that my mum manipulates the narrative so that she’s in control and if I attempt to even innocently ask about her childhood she becomes avoidant, calls me needy (she could never meet my emotional needs, only at her convenience) and will attempt (sometimes successfully) to bait me into an argument, so that she’s in can call me the aggressor.

I don’t have much to do with her but I was interested in how her brother bullied her, possible abuse from her father and what appears to be a culture of neglect in her family of origin.

It’s annoying to speak to this clueless child and that I’d be the one to stump up money for family therapy potentially just to watch her drag her heels and be avoidant.

I may have to just work off what I’ve seen which is she is only available to a point and is very much locked into her religious fanatacism and ignorance toward her own needs.