69 and feeling fine

Overall, it’s been a wonderful, profound, difficult, strong, enlightening few months. I still struggle with anhedonia and atmosphere cravings—the sunny day brewery visit, the concert, the post-hike beer—and with the fact that my wife still drinks a fair bit, but I’m working on those things. And I know that I can only work on them sober. 

One thing that helps: I made a checklist on my phone that I try to go through—one item at time, thinking of each thing with intention and mindfulness. Once I’ve thought of it—really thought of it—I “check it off” and by the time I finish the list, I remember why I’m sober. Which is to feel human, to feel alive, and to stay alert to the mysteries of the world. 

Here' the list:

Sobriety = 

• Energy
• Clarity
• Writing
• Reading
• Exercise
• Calmness
• Sleep
• Good poops
• Weight loss 
• Forgiveness
• Lightness of being
• Time
• Money
• Gaming
• Not losing things
• Mental inventory
• Less waste
• No shame 
• Self-acceptance 
• Death acceptance 
• NO HANGOVER

IWNDWYT!