I [24F] met a guy [26M] online but I can't seem to shake the feeling off that he just wants a gf so he can check it off his "list" or wants a "mum" gf. Help?

I met this guy over a month ago now and we've been on 4 dates total with a 5th one lined up. Right off the bat I'm enamoured by him. I'm deeply attracted to him both physically and I love many things about his personality, his drive, ambition, humour, his little quirks, intelligent as hell and, how he's slightly awkward - I adore it.

Now, I'm an inquisitive kind of gal who loves getting to know every bit about a potential partner. I haven't dated in 3 years and he's never had a serious relationship, just situation-ships or he found early on that he wasn't 'gel-ing' with them. Point is, he told me he's very interested and is taking me seriously and we became exclusive. After our 3rd date he went on a weekend trip to see family and knew they'd ask whether he's seeing someone so he asked me whether he should say we're dating or not. I said it was too soon and at this point I was having some thoughts about the speed of progression with us, bluntly put, he's terrible at asking questions about me. Now, he's very timid and every time we meet for a date he's physically shaking from nerves so I don't believe it's coming from a place of arrogance rather from a place of overthinking and fear (which he has confirmed). We text multiple times every single day and it's great, amazing actually because he's not having to stand in front of me (going back to his nervousness) and can really be himself if that makes sense.

Into the crux of it, on our 3rd date we had a hiccup where he expected me to "pay off" part of our last date by buying some hot chips. I was immediately put out and he knew it and I saw he visibly got uncomfortable from how he acted (it was brutal). We still had the latter half of our date to go so I was very unsure what to do but persevered. He tried to ask questions about me (I have a heavy past so it's sensitive but before this I was willing to open up ofc), but at this point I was really out of it and clammed up hard. Fast forward, we spoke about this and he apologised profusely and said he doesn't want me to pay off anything and doesn't know why he said/acted like that but he was very genuine and at this point I was extremely interested. He also said that he went into this date, with in mind, asking more questions about myself. I also explained what happened to me clamming up and that I appreciated him asking questions and that I'm happy to dismiss this all as a hiccup (I'm awkward too!). We moved on and all was well we had another date and it was great (not many questions tho but more than last time & honestly had the best time).

Here's where I'm stumped. About 1wk ago he got quite sick (virus) and has been a real pain about it. He still texts quite a bit and sends the usual "goodnight/morning x" text but he's obviously feeling down - almost moping. I asked if he was okay and he confirmed what I just wrote, he's got a helluva cough and didn't leave his house for 3 days straight and took time off work to recover. He hasn't gone to the drs and only today as I'm writing this did he get cough syrup (I told him to get that early last wk as someone with an auto immune disease I take these things quite seriously). Conversations have been "off" because he's off but he constantly complains about being sick but isn't proactive about it which is surprising to me because he's such a mover and a shaker.

I feel like he's kind of a spoilt mummas boy by the way he complains but doesn't do anything to help his sickness, only responds somewhat quickly if I'm asking how he's feeling/doing and giving sympathy. No questions, no humour, complete 180 in personality. He's told me he's pretty sure he's autistic (I think he is) I personally am autistic and have bpd (yippeee) but that's why we work I think. I just don't know if I'm overreacting and this has just been an unfortunate timing kind of thing but I'm over it. I really don't like someone who acts like a unproactive victim, it kind of feels like he's dragging this on on purpose so that I'm "doting" on him and he doesn't have to put effort in because he's sick and feeling slightly depressed.

I don't know whether it's my bpd making me slightly cynical about it all or if I just need to breathe and let it pass and see how our next date goes. I have this feeling he will act mopey so that I tend to him and make it all about him and he gets off scott free not having to put effort in. I really don't know what to think anymore and whether this behaviour is red flaggy or if I'm just getting into my head about it. I want it to work so badly but this is such a turn off, he's turning 27 this month and I don't know what to do when his bday comes around and I don't feel emotionally connected at all anymore? Is this something to power through and see what happens or is this a sign I should take and run?

TL;DR:

Guy I'm seeing barely asks questions and then when we spoke about it, he got sick with a virus over 1wk ago but hasn't gone to the drs about it and I'm wondering whether he's used that to "free" himself from any expectations from me. I feel emotionally disconnected now but we have a date coming up.