fuck it, the reeducation of weedshrek episode 1, part III
after all...why shouldn't i post on fridays
last time: some real bullshit. this time: you're not gonna believe this--
Travis: So! You enter the school proper. You enter into the main hall. Now, this is also the dining hall. There‘s a raised platform at the front edge of the hall. On it is a massive table with seating for 25, and this is the staff table. Currently, however, only 14 seats are occupied. At the center is Hieronymous Wiggenstaff. He wears shining, blue armor with gold accents. You know full well that he‘s at least 500 years old, but you'd wear he couldn‘t be a day over 400. He is looking confidently around the room, unafraid to make eye contact with anyone. That‘s how confident he is.
Including this bit to point out he has a faculty of 25 and I bet he has a name and sheet for every single one of those. that's fucking insane. But also while the tone he had developed in the opening monologue is not something i personally like, i can acknowledge that it felt pretty consistent and clear, but by here that tone can't be sustained, this is nothing. although the joke about how rony can make eye contact leaning hard into that tumblr audience
We return from ads at 59:19. Aside from two quick interjections from griffin (once to compliment travis's foley work, once to in-character applaud as rony steps up to speak), we do not get interaction from the rest of the family until 1:03:31. That is 4:12, 30 seconds above the average length of a pop song in 2009
i will concede at least travis has a voice for higglemas, and i think the "if you need help, please don't. hesitate to ask" joke was well delivered and pretty amusing. but i'm deducting the point for a bad shia labeouf joke character
travis seems to get genuinely a little annoyed at justin laughing about his shia labeouf character
and here we are, at the first of many future scenes of the players eating.
Travis: You see—you see new students wandering aimlessly, looking for open tables. Uh, and then, thank god, you're saved, because Leon approaches and says… Leon: Uhh, hey guys. If you—if you want, you can come sit with us. Buckminster sent me over to get you. You can sit with us and Rainer.
this is actually so enlightening about how travis approached this game. we've talked about how balance is also pretty railroaded, that griffin tried to do a micro/macro split where the players were affecting the minutiae of the setting but that the big event stuff was plotted out and they would be guided to it. and i think travis thinks he's doing that here. except his whole world is minutiae and also he doesn't care about anyone else's input. because right before the above quoted, he asks what genesai and firbolgs eat. griffin derails to pretend to be upset that travis assumes he knows what fitz eats, and then, before actually giving them time to answer the question, travis has moved into another monologue that ends with this above portion. which you begin to realize is how every scene in this episode has gone so far, aside from the split path barn/battleground where travis explicitly told them their choice didn't matter since it all ends in the same spot. every other scene has been travis narrating where they are and then an npc coming up and telling them what is going to happen next. actually, let me include the monologue here:
Travis: Yeah. I thought so. So, you have your plates on your trays. And you look around the room, and you see just what you'd expect. Returning students filling out tables with familiar friend groups. You see groups of magic casters amusing each other with illusion and by transmuting food. A table of rogues take turn losing and winning the same money back and forth with marked cards and loaded dice. A table of clerics sit reading in companionable silence.
Sort of clumsy, but like, he's laid out the scene, highlighted some areas of interest, like any sane dm's next words would be "what would you like to do?" but we do things a little differently here on the adventure zone, so instead leon comes up and just like, strong-arms them into sitting at their table (bonus points for travis implicitly characterizing all the player characters as awkward losers that need to be socially rescued by his npc. travis can't help trying to make himself the face of the party even when he's not in the party)
Griffin: So I'm definitely gonna try and sit with the teachers.
Travis: At some point. Okay.
a fucking crazy response to a player declaring they are going to do something. anyway travis has griffin roll a charisma check before he even gets to approach the teachers, which is not how i would run it but isn't so egregious in the grand scheme of this campaign. what is pretty egregious is how their conversation literally goes nowhere. griffin introduces his character for the third or fifth time, explains his transfer situation for the fourth or sixth time, so that the guidance counselor can say he'll look into it. thank you everyone.
Justin: I want to sit with Leon. He invited us over there. I don‘t want to sit with the guidance counselor. Do we have to sit with the guidance counselor? Travis: No, go sit—go sit with Leon, man. You've got agency.
an ominous bell tolls
Buckminster: So are you now a magic user? A necromancer, a sorcerer, wizard, healer…
Fitzroy: Undecided. Yeah. I still don‘t really have a good grasp on it. Um, I know prestidigitation. Do you know prestidigitation?
Buckminster: Yes. Everybody knows prestidigitation. I'm… yes.
Fitzroy: Okay, I'm just—I'm—
Bud: I do not know prestidigitation.
Fitzroy: Yeah, it‘s like, I'm new to this. You don‘t have to be snide about it, like… I know like, three spells, and so, like, one of them is…
Buckminster: I'm sorry. I did not mean to give you a hard time. Just a gentle ribbing amongst friends.
Is buckminster a magic user? i did not get the impression buckminster was a magic user. man travis just really thinks necromancy is awesome, huh? his first thought when it comes to how magic is used once again. do you think he's read the locked tomb? i feel like he would really love the locked tomb. if only that boy knew how to read. oh well, its probably for the best.
anyway travis can't help being a stupid asshole who doesn't know dnd so its very funny when the other magic user here is like, i don't have that spell, and then travis has to pretend like he was joking
I didn't write down when exactly they came up with the nickname bud, but it was easily within the first 20 minutes of this episode. now, at 1:10:38 justin finally realizes they gave him a nickname and is balking at someone else having creative input on his creation
ok just got confirmation that buckminster is a rogue (man, rogues and necromancers, huh). so why the fuck is he talking about prestidigitation like he knows shit about fuck
oh right because he's played by travis, duh
oh my god it fucking finally clicked. the reason he keeps having the same scene over and over and over where they introduce themselves is because he can't think of a more organic way to blab on about his own characters. he's literally just waiting for them to finish talking like yeah yeah great that's cool anyway MY NAME IS--
.....okay counter: 5
this is a moment i remember so crystal clearly from my first experience. because i had been kind of forewarned about this episode, i was already pretty burnt out after amnesty, but then i heard on twitter this one was straight up bad. heard travis roleplays with himself. and so i had to listen, right? and it was everything that was described (although reading the words "travis roleplays with himself" in no way actually prepares you for the physical sensation of actually hearing it). and then. we get to here. and i knew this was something special, because i had already so gently laid the bar on the ground, and this man somehow just wiggled under it. because he has buckminster offer them. a tour. of the. fucking. school.
Fitzroy: [sighs heavily]
god this campaign drives me insane
Travis: Uh, and as you're finishing up your meal, here approaches Rolandus. Rolandus: Uh, yes. Hello. Uh, first, allow me to apologize. I have had some water and some coffee, and a lot of bacon, and I realize now that earlier, I was being a bit of a shit, as Buckminster put it. So, allow me to apologize, and to invite you to join myself and Rhodes and Zana tonight for a little rite of passage ceremony.
are these three the ONLY new students??? also this is an infuriating set up. it would be one thing if they had put rolandus in his place earlier and then this feels like cause/effect, but they are literally interrupted by buckminster who is the one to shut rolandus up, so that rolandus can come here to credit buckminster with shutting him up so here's a quest flag. fuck off dude
Buckminster: No. No paddles. And we‘ll go with you, if you want. We‘re happy to tag—
Rolandus: Oh. Okay. Uh… I guess, yes. If you would like to go, we will also go, even though it may be past some of our bedtimes. So… might I mark you all down as yeses on your RSVPs this evening?
First off, ....okay counter: 6. he fucking ok's his own npcs!!!
second, i think the transcript is messed up here, because he doesn't drop into the slightly lower rolandus voice until the "so..." I think it might supposed to be:
cuck: No. No paddles
rain: And we'll go with you, if you want. We're happy to tag--
cuck: Oh. Okay. Uh... I guess, yes. If you would like to go, we will also go, even though it may be past some of our bedtimes.
rolex: So...
its hard to say because most of these npcs have the same voice and buckminster's is never very consistent. but also like, rolandus is like come to our midnight ceremony or whatever, and then buckminster, a guy presumably in the same grade as rolandus, is like "but its past my bedtime"
Fitzroy: They‘re just—they don‘t do anything—they don‘t come to life and eat you, they‘re just stairs, and they— Buckminster: Yes. Some of them are a bit uneven. Seems like some of them were a bit of a rush job. Argo: Do they move around at all? Do they just stay in place? Do they move around? Buckminster: Mostly stay in place. They‘re stairs. Argo: Of course. Buckminster: Why would they move? Argo: I read. Buckminster: But that would be the most impractical thing I've ever heard of. Of course they stay in place.
he really goes room by room i'm crying
Buckminster: Ah, yes! Uh, quite a character. Um, he‘s a bit of an acquired taste. I enjoy him immensely. His name is Jackal, and he is, believe it or not, a kenku. Don‘t see a lot of those.
what a fucking crazy and racist thing to say, buckminster
Travis: Um, so, in this world, the skill that is prized above all else in heroes and villains, and even in sidekicks and henchpeople, is accounting. Because at this point, you're basically a government servant, and your job is to make sure you're not overspending. Because at any point, it may be determined that it is more expensive to have you on payroll than to just hire a new hero or villain. And so, oftentimes, the sidekick‘s main job is to keep up with the finances of the hero and villain, but everyone is responsible for it, and every kingdom is looking for a fiscally responsible hero and villain.
I know this is all just to justify the quirky XD :P accounting bit, but like
"[...] you're basically a government servant [...] it may be determined that it is more expensive [...] every kingdom is looking for a..."
this blurb is four sentences long and can't maintain its own internal logic. you're basically a government servant? which government?? you establish three sentences later there are multiple kingdoms that use this service. WHO determines your expenses are too high? up until this point its felt like heroes and villains are basically free agents once they've been licensed, but now travis is acting like this whole enterprise is structured like a modern business. why would hiring kingdoms care about your finances??? the only thing they'd logically care about is your rate? if your rate is low and your performance good, why would they give a shit that you expensed 10k in horse racing tickets back to the hog or whoever is being expensed?
also "you're basically a government servant, and your job is to make sure you're not overspending" big dawg is NEVER beating the libertarian allegations
the potions teacher is named mulligan lol
Travis: And what you know about placement, what Buckminster is talking about is, in the later parts of the semester, in the later part of the year, older, higher level students will be sent out on real world assignments to practice their skills. And placed with them will be sidekicks and henchpeople to kind of act as resources for them while they are out in the field. So there will come parts of the year where you will be sent out with some of these, uh, older year students to assist them.
i fully believe this is not a smokescreen for fitz getting placed on the hero track, i fully believe this was his actual original plan for them down the line
....huh, travis has a regenerating skeleton you can practice hitting named skully, who has kind of a vaguely brooklyn accent. let me check when hades early access began. oh, 2018? hm. interesting.
oh, travis that rascal, he pulled a zag(reus) on me, of course the skeleton isn't named skully, his name is germaine, and also that accent is gone so idk what that's about.
edit: travis talks about playing hades in his adventuring academy interview so actually this is 100% an "homage"
and here we are at our first tutorial combat. oh the accent is back. sure.
i'm....
Griffin: I touch his skull, and I cast shocking grasp. That‘s a fucking crit! That‘s a nat 20, baby! I'm gonna blow this skeleton the fuck up!
first of all, note the excitement at rolling a nat 20. so this happens, travis does not ask for damage, because he's too excited to get to the part where he showcases his cool skeletons that fly apart and then reassemble. and THEN
Germaine: Yeah, that was really amazing! Uh, now, it‘s my turn! Travis: Uh, that is a nat 20.
note the excitement travis has for rolling a nat20. the man knows this combat doesn't matter, and thinks, after all, why shouldn't i also get a nat20?
travis also declares that means griffin would "hypothetically" take 5 points of damage. explain to me how he arrived at this number.
Justin: Six plus three… nine.
Germaine: Aww, yeah! See, that was so good! Don‘t you feel good?
Bud: Um… I suppose it was… uh, thrilling.
Germaine: Yeah! You shillelagh‘d the hell out of me!
isn't cool how travis took the well established dopamine hit of rolling big number to deal damage and bravely reinvented it as praising you like you're a four year old
Clint: Okay. I got a ―Hi, I‘m—hi, I'm Argo.‖ Uh, Argo, uh, was gonna attack with his rapier, but doesn‘t think it'll do much damage against a skeleton. Is that right?
so it turns out 5e skeletons don't get resistance to slashing and piercing anymore? but iconic grad-era clint for thinking they might and looking for other attack options </3 you are wasted on this podcast
....the very next part is the first time they all dunk on him for trying to sneak attack. lead by griffin who does not fucking know how to play this game.
also ....okay counter: 7
Fitzroy: Wait, do you need someone to free you from this eternal torment?
Germaine: No, this is great!
Fitzroy: Okay.
Germaine: I get paid. I get to hang out. Man, I used to work in another dungeon, and when I got attacked, it hurt like hell.
Fitzroy: Right.
Germaine: Y'know? But here, uh, I'm respected. Uh, I'm able to work on my novel. Uh, it‘s great.
Fitzroy: I just didn‘t know if you needed us to go find like a cursed blade that could end this curse, and then you could—
Germaine: What?!
Argo: ‗Cause we will!
Germaine: You want to kill me?! We just met!
Fitzroy: No, but if you want me to…
Germaine: I do not!
Fitzroy: Okay.
Argo: So you're a happy skeleton.
Germaine: Yeah!
Argo: Oh!
Germaine: Can't you tell from the smile? Ha ha! Just a skeleton joke.
[deep sigh]
Buckminster: So are we going to continue the tour, or… you want to see the next floor…? Y'know what, I'm just gonna go, and you all follow me, okay? Uh, so now, in the second level of the basement –
this is like a fucking horror novel this was a legitimate fucking jumpscare WHAT DO YOU MEAN A SECOND BASEMENT
Griffin: [laughs] Um, is—what‘s the student body here? I'm trying to get a sense of scale for this—for this school and Annex. How many people would you estimate are like, actually attending?
Travis: I would say probably 50 heroes and villains, and probably about 100 henchpeople and sidekicks
i guess, good on travis for having a 1:6 teacher:student ratio
Travis: Oh, definitely. This is—it‘s a very prestigious school. Um, it is hard to get into. Now, as Fitzroy has pointed out many times, it is not as specialized as Clyde Nite‘s Night Knight School. So, it is, um, y'know… they‘re devoting resources to many different things. This is a much more, like, we‘re gonna teach you exact—this is kind of a Rambo school of like, we‘re going to teach you how to do it, and y'know, and that‘s it. We‘re not going to teach you other things. Where, Clyde Nite‘s Night Knight School is a lot more about specifically being like, a knight hero.
He sure does, like, um, talk good. let's start at the top: its a prestigious school. that a firbolg sort of wandered into. travis forgets the world generalized. he then makes a comparison to rambo, who famously i guess just does it, and not other things. what do you think a knight hero means here and how does it differ from a regular hero
Fitzroy: Is this a test? Was that a test?
Higglemas: No. I'm just wanting to make sure that my dog is healthy. This is—I love him very much.
Bud: Why did you ask this?
Higglemas: Well, y'know, he‘s getting up there in years, and it‘s very rare that anybody makes their way up here who gets any kind of insight into, y'know, animal health, and I just wanted to make sure that my dog was healthy. I don‘t have to answer to you! I'm in charge of this Annex!
Argo: You're in charge of the Xanax?
Higglemas: You're not in there, sir.
higglemas has them come in and then has firbolg inspect his dog, and then is like perfect, you can leave. and that is not bad! that gives off suitably eccentric, rude, and a touch mysterious. but because travis cannot fucking help himself, when griffin pushes, he gets super fucking defensive about it and gives the game away. also, he is excluding clint from this room, even though literally 30 seconds earlier when he first tried it and griffin was like "there's three of us" he told all three of them to come in
Buckminster: Well, that concludes the tour. Um… I say we all go settle in and skip bedtime and our late night cookies and milk to make it out to the edge of Unknown Forest for the rite of passage.
Fitzroy: Are they going to try and kill us?
Buckminster: No. We won't let anybody kill you.
Argo: Wound?
Buckminster: No! It‘s a school rite of pa—why would they—no!
putting aside like, real life examples of people being seriously hurt during hazing rituals, like the source of inspo here is harry fucking potter they were always putting those kids in absurdly dangerous situations. its a perfectly reasonable assumption and its so grating the way travis acts faux-shocked every time someone wants to be genre-savvy.
Now, the forest itself is vast. As far as the eye can see, it stretches from the edge of the Godscar Chasm to the horizon. It takes up a large part of this continent, and here at the edge of it, somehow, the inside of the forest is darker than the night you are standing in. It is difficult to perceive anything beyond the tree line
I'm sorry, this forest takes up most of the continent and no one knows anything about it???? also "somehow the inside of the forest is darker than the night you are standing in" hey dipshit that's all forests. its called branches.
Rolandus: Do you mean aside from the fact that the Unknown Forest is widely considered the most dangerous place on the planet?
ok actually making a geological barrier that serves the same purpose as a desert but its trees is actually kind of sick, why would RADA be build on the edge of an active volcano
justin, proving he is related to travis, gets weirdly defensive when griffin suggests maybe the firbolg wouldn't want to carve up a tree. and then travis "solves" the "problem" by having rainer give him charcoal to use instead of a knife
But you, uh, Firbolg… you hear the same voice, but it seems… hollow. It seems more like someone pretending to do the voice.
gripping narration.
Buckminster: No, I—yes, no, yes, we heard. No one sees something in the Unknown Forest. It‘s unknown.
wh.....what.
Fitzroy: Yes. Sorry, Groundsy. We were going through the most low stakes hazing ever, and I am happy now to return to my very tall bed.
closing monologue which is nothing. and we've done it. we complete an episode of graduation. with our setting left unclear, what other rooms will our heroes be ferried to next? find out next time on THE REEDUCATION OF WEEDSHREK: Episode 2, i think they have two more tutorial combats in this one
Posted Mar 11, 2026, 7:11 PM UTC