I'm a loser

I know this post won't get any traction, but I just need to vent.

I'm a 25 yo male and I think I ruined my life already.

For a while now I've felt like there's no hope for me, nothing can make me happy.

I don't have good relationships with my family, nor do I have any actual friends that I could trust, maybe alcohol but that's besides the point.

Everything I ever do, and no matter how hard I try, it goes horribly wrong. It doesn't matter if it's work, personal relationships or love interests, all I ever seem to get is a horrible, gut wrenching response. For a while I thought it's a me thing, what else could it be if I have to deal with it all the time? But no, at least I think so. It's not about how I talk, how I think nor how I look, it all seems to be predetermined for me tbh. At least it seems so to me.

I've thought about suicide for a while now and I had a lot of alcohol problems in the past. I've stopped with the alcohol and started doing music, I play guitar and it helped me vent for a while, but for the past few years it hasn't been going so well.

Any thoughts how anything at all could help me? I really think suicide could, but I'm to scared of the pain I'd feel, so I guess that's not an answer.

And no, personal relationships don't help in this matter, I had many gfs and still have, and still I have trust issues. not that I'm afraid she'd cheat on me, but I'm scared what she'd think of me if I poured it all onto her.

please help, honestly.