I think I am afraid of men, Does anyone else feel this way? + other vent's and ramblings. TW heavy content.

For context and TW, I'm a digital csa survivor/victim yk and also have been sexually harassed and abused and assaulted by men and boys even stalked once and some of this will be brought up in a bit more detail but nothing graphic.

I used to just jump or freeze at a guy yelling or being loud or raising his voice also like a stair down be it more threatening or toxically male aura or whatever,

but the other night a man on the opposite side of the street passed by at a quicker space than I was talking at a normal volume in a non threatening way to his female friend or whoever she was, and just hearing his voice behind me even though it was across the street sent my body into a fawn state and I just... I think I'm really scared of men and boys...it doesn't help that I am somewhat agoraphobic because of my ocd and anxiety and probably my autism idk, but, this is just...different? its more...primal? deeply felt idk how to explain it.

I should also say I was in therapy because, lets be honest everyone should be, but I was actually working on the ideas of me being misandrist and scared of men and my traumas and learning to like... let some amount of men into my life aside from the ones I already have especially as a predominantly straight woman (I was a lesbian for a little bit, thought I was, sexuality is fluid for some people and I guess I am one of them but I grew up attracted to boys and I am back to liking men now so I think it was a trauma response idk I have had sapphic feels for at least one girl when I was a teen I think anyways not the point of the post), I started to feel more comfy in my sexuality and with men...and then... I had a person really cross a line in a very intimate situation and ignore my agency and autonomy in the situation and I just... am back to being kind of a misandrist and afraid of men but now after jumping because of just a calm mans voice the other night I worry its taken roots a lot deeper... I'm scared and I feel kind of alone, the men I have chosen to have in my life are great... but men over all kinda scare me...

it also probably doesn't help that I feel very weak, I struggled to rotate a revolving door the other day that other much older ladies pushed open like a breeze because it felt so heavy to me... and dudes are just... strong lol... one of my things is literally a guy holding me in place and I just dont know if I could fight a guy off like that now let alone then when I didn't and instead talked him down from his weird entitled rage...

I also just don't have a lot of friends and this shit feels too weird to bring to any other women I know irl... that and my parents don't know about the digital csa part and I don't think I ever could tell them its not their fault and I know from therapy its not mine just yk... anyways... sorry if this is scatter brained but I just wanna know if any other women are out there with this experience and I am sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.