I think many of us here understand how different our lives look without a family support system, but it’s really hitting me now. My mother definitely exhibits borderline traits and also some traits that can be described as narcissistic. She was very volatile and could go off on us, but I could tell her day was very focused on herself.

Until I was about 17, I grew up only with my grandpa interested in my life outside of grades and school. My grandpa was very interested in my life. He watched us most weekends and many weekdays and I always felt like he had my best interest at heart, which I don’t think my mother did.

Now, it’s not like I don’t take accountability for my actions, especially my actions now as an adult, but I just have to say I was in a very, very long-term toxic relationship. People were asking where a ring was and why he hasn’t committed, why he treated me certain ways, and my mother was fully aware of this and was there for many conversation, but my mother never cared about it at all. I know she told me that she regretted having kids, and I suspected my father was unfaithful, so I don’t know if it’s that she didn’t want me to get married, but she never sat me down and said, "Hey, why is he treating you this way?" or "Hey, why isn’t he proposing?" like I recently figured out my friend’s mother did. 

I do think growing up with borderline parents we end up being less trusting of other people‘s opinions, even though we can’t really trust our mothers either so even when other people expressed concern I just feel like hearing it from a parent would’ve really solidified it.

It’s just so interesting to me because I know if my grandpa was still in my life, he would be invested. He would be asking me about this stuff. My mother just, like, completely checked out of me and my sister‘s life. It’s so interesting because my little sister went through issues too. She even told the whole family that she was being cheated on, and you know what? My mother never even asked about it and never even checked in. She would freak out on us about various stuff, and I’m just thinking like, wow. If someone actually was invested in my life and, like, sat me down and was like, "What are you doing?" I probably would’ve been out of there so long ago.

Realizing the deepest cruelty she exhibited was her indifferences. I was never taught any standards.