**\[SCENE: The** ***ISS Perseverance*****, cruising calmly. Alarms ping as a lone Mantis scout appears on sensors. It fires a single laser that plinks harmlessly off the shields.\]**

# Zerimar (Captain, deeply tired):

…Really? This again. Another training day ambush. Fine. Battle stations.

# Ms. Alex (Gunnery, mantis, already excited):

Captain, permission to switch with Charlie for his gunnery training!

# Mr. Charlie (Shields, human, shaking with excitement):

Yes! I want to take down this enemy! Let me at the guns!

# Zerimar:

…Sure. Whatever gets this over with.

**\[Alex and Charlie swap stations with suspiciously choreographed enthusiasm.\]**

# Round One: The Enthusiastic Overkill

# Charlie:

Four single‑shot lasers online! Target locked! Pew pew pew!

**\[Three hits land. The Mantis scout’s hull drops down to four bars.\]**

# Zerimar:

Good. Now finish it.

# Charlie:

Oh, I will. Just… savouring the moment.

# Alex (now at shields, humming happily):

Enemy cannot harm us. This is perfect training scenario. Charlie, I will maintain shields for you.

# Round Two: The Suspicious Eternity

**\[Thirty seconds pass. Then a minute. Then two. The enemy hull remains at four bars.\]**

# Tach (Engines, human, dodging nothing at 15% evasion):

Uh, Captain… is it just me, or are we still here? I’ve been trying to dodge that one laser for ages. It’s embarrassing.

# Ms. Ryan (Doors, Engi, looking up from her solitaire):

Observation: I have completed three full games. Enemy hull integrity unchanged. Probability of Charlie’s incompetence: rising.

# Zerimar:

Charlie… are you even firing all four lasers?

# Tach:

He’s not. He’s only using three. And he’s timing them weirdly. Like… perfectly wrong.

# Alex (proudly):

Charlie is synchronizing shots so enemy shield regenerates between hits. Very advanced technique. Excellent training. I approve.

# Tach:

Alex, you could kill that ship with two lasers.

# Alex:

Thank you, Tach. I know.

# Round Three: The Revelation

**\[Zerimar squints at the weapons console feed. Three lasers fire: each spaced just far enough apart to let the enemy shield recharge.\]**

# Zerimar:

…Wait. Wait. WAIT.

**\[He slams the comms button.\]**

# Zerimar (shouting):

CHARLIE! Stop *torturing* the enemy ship! This is not funny! We have rebels to catch!

# Charlie (cheerful, laser‑focused):

Just one more shot! Almost there! Skill bar is rising beautifully!

# Alex:

Yes, Captain. Just one more shot.

# Zerimar, Tach, Ryan (in perfect annoyed harmony):

NO. MORE. SHOTS.

# Ryan:

Also, Captain requests I put away solitaire. Acknowledged. Disappointment: moderate.

# Round Four: The Desync Disaster

# Zerimar:

Charlie, fire all four lasers and end this.

# Charlie:

Okay okay… desyncing… hold on… almost… wait… why is the fourth gun missing now?

# Zerimar (face‑palming so hard it echoes):

Amazing. Truly amazing. You’ve become an expert at failing to kill a one‑shield enemy with four lasers.

# Tach:

Uh, the enemy ship is preparing their engines for a jump, I think they’ve realized something…

# Alex (standing up):

Captain, I will resume gunnery. I will end this quickly.

# Charlie (panicked):

NO...WAIT...GOT IT! Resync for effective kill!

**\[All four lasers fire in perfect unison. The enemy scout explodes instantly.\]**

# Aftermath

# Charlie (pumping fist):

YES! Training complete!

# Alex (clapping mandibles):

Excellent shot, Charlie. Very proud.

# Tach:

Finally.

# Ryan:

Resuming solitaire.

# Zerimar (deadpan, exhausted):

Another day for the log books. Jumping to next beacon. No more training days today.

**\[The ship jumps away as the crew cheers and Zerimar quietly contemplates early retirement.\]**

Not another training day!