Betrayal, triangulation, and avoidance of responsibility

Hello there.

I’ve knowingly kept a close friendship with a borderline for many years. When I say knowingly, I mean that I believed I understood the disorder and could handle the situation. Today I found out I was wrong.

My friend is a single female, as am I, and we have a platonic relationship that is peaceful most of the time. I’ve made my boundaries clear and I enforce them strongly and consistently. These include not responding to threats or similar dramatics around jealousy.

In April of last year, I began a relationship with a man I care about. Almost immediately my friend began to neg him though they had never met. I stopped mentioning him unless she brought him up.

Today, out of the blue she said, “I’m going to call him.” He has a public-facing job, a rather unique name and surname, and multiple forms of contact information are easily found online, including a phone number.

She sounded completely mad when she said she was going to call him. Why would she call him? Call a stranger she’d never met about what? I was speechless for a moment and tried to pass it off as a joke. I kind of laughed and said, “No, you’re not.”

She said, “Ok, I won’t.” I thought she was just in a weird mood or was pushing to see how I would react.

An hour later, she called him. What was actually said I don’t know as I am caught in the middle.

He said she called his work, said she knew two guys that worked with him, and she was going to see to it his career was ruined.

Ruined by what I don’t know. There is nothing inappropriate in our interaction nor have I ever said anything to my friend that she would have to use against him. She would have to make up something to threaten him, some lie.

I tried to talk with him about it and he said he can’t talk to me he is so angry. Did she call others as well?! Obviously I am giving him space and only hope he will tell me more eventually, unless she has gotten what she wanted by this little stunt, for him to be gone permanently. What else would motivate her to do something so malicious?

Of course, I called her and demanded an explanation. Her words exactly: “I felt like something possessed me, something just came over me.” Absolutely no sense that she felt responsible and of course there was no apology.

I asked her what she said. “Just that I knew all about him and I was going to see that he was fired.”

Fired for what? She refused to say more. I hung up the phone and blocked her when she continued the silent treatment. One boundary is not putting up with silent treatment.

I am really in shock. I may have lost a nice relationship with a guy I really liked and thought liked me. And my so called friend has totally shown her character, how dangerous it has been to have anything to do with her, and that I must go no contact.

Would anyone have a similar experience? Or advice? Thanks in advance.