Pure anxiety

I kind of feel like my ex deserved better.

It’s really bittersweet to heal and feel safe and well with someone.

Idk if it’s fair to put my relationship with her in the context of my current one. I was just way too anxious and I said and did so many things that I don’t think or feel. And I’m sure that was the same for her.

I just hope she is happier. I hate the kind of partner I was. I wish I could have been how I am with my bf. I felt like this with Bobby and it’s what made that so painful. I was at first feeling so safe. I know that’s on me too tho.

Idk. I feel still like it’s inevitable no one will like me longterm.

For me I’m sad to say the greatest thing I did was cut Tim out of my life. But I still have so much anxiety.

I need to find ways not to be so anxious. At least the weed helps so amazingly with that. The thing that I think helps the most.

One day at a time.

My main goal is to think less.

Stuff I really liked about her made me so anxious. It’s a bit of a stupid tragedy.

But it’s a lot less funny if she was really hurt. That’s an actual tragedy. I’m so sad I can’t just relax and act normal. But I never have been.

I’m just a very extremely anxious person. Nothing more and nothing less.