who else wants to quit life when u get mad at someone? also having a mood disorder is so confusing and draining

maybe i should stop skipping my mood stabilizers lol(it’s not funny, im losing my mind). i always want to exit this world when i get mad at someone to like make them feel guilty. or like i get a brief intense anger and like urge to harm someone but within like ten minutes i always feel really guilty. it’s only with people, NEVER other animals. i have an odd sense of like more empathy for animals more than ppl. it’s like the urge i got before absolutely verbally attacking someone in an episode. or like texting old friends really nasty things and blocking them and assuming they were watching me in my room. now that im typing this out and thinking about it, i think it was just an episode trying to surface due to recent stress today. it feels exactly like mania but since im not 18 they off the chart said it’s bipolar but officially diagnosed me with an unspecified mood disorder so i dont call it mania even if the intense like feeling of invincibility or euphoria checks the box. also because the swings are soooooo short and quick. like my highs and lows are so fast and so extreme. the quickest time i’ve don something impulsive and destructive then immediately felt on top of the world was around three minutes. like i went from like apathetic all day to an extreme bad mid-therapy session and cussed my therapist out then went to being completely giddy about how im gonna live forever and never be miserable. i feel like im actually losing my mind or making it up