As someone who's experienced a few realms of hell can someone help me see hope again

All I forsee is suffering, and the kindnesses I've experienced seem to come from others and not from God. I try to help in ways I can but it feels like it's not enough. My days are still filled with tears. From what I can tell, the world was not made with our wellbeing in mind but rather we arose from the world and the only love and kindness comes from ourselves and others.

Still I believe it's worth it to try, but I've been so burnt out for so long. I just crave some simple kindnesses that go unfufilled. If hope is a candle mine has gone out a few times I just need someone to help rekindle it for me.

I love God, I love Jesus, I care about them and for them. They just don't feel real and while I still love them, reality is where I'm losing hope. I'm in so much pain.