it doesn't matter im a bad person or just bpd(its not an excuse)

I recently i attempted suicide,since then im not getting better just getting worse.I really don't care about myself but i want to get better for people i love. I always scared of hurting someone. I tried to be kind and good person but i still hurt some good people during my mood swims.I couldn't control my words, maybe they even forgot,forgave it. But i hate myself when i remember what i done to them .Anyway im not here to make myself look pitiful. Im not a good person and i know that. I want to be better person for people i hurt.Wish me luck,i hope i can do it this time❤️