Living in reality.

Porn is here; porn is not going anywhere. The draw to it has been fully imbedded in most men. Most men will say they are stopping when an upset partner brings the subject up. The majority will not have any real intention to stop; I think the overwhelming amount of "he lied" posts on this sub proves this.

Most boys head into adulthood with their life already compartmentalized. They have true feelings and desires for their partners, and they have their separate virtual "sex life". The problem is that because porn etc. is so normalized they can't, won't or don't see the impact their virtual sex life has on their real-life relationship. To them they never feel any loss that would signal a problem because for them there is none. Their sexual needs are still getting satisfied either way. When their partner is sad, angry, distraught or disgusted by the porn use they are pushed even closer to using it as it's the easier, less confrontational, less emotional option. Women are really in a no-win situation.

Men are being weaned off imitate, connecting, caring sexual encounters that help build strong, equal, loving relationships. For soulless, selfish acts of self-gratification where the only person they need to accommodate is themselves. A real woman needing love, connection and intimacy is now looked at by her partner as needy, not as being the one trying to better the relationship for the both of them.

How many of us have been told we "Put too much importance on sex" because we are asking for more sexual intimacy. Told this by men that are substituting us with other forms of self-gratification way more often than the sexual connection we are actually asking for.

We need to see reality and live in it. So much of how we see our spouse is actually just a figment of our imagination, the forever elusive potential we see in them, a version of them we have concocted to make them seem more desirable and loving to us than they actually are. The person they are, the things they say, the things they do, how they make us feel, how they make others feel, their integrity, be true witness to it. See them in actuality, unedited by our minds. When he shows you who he is, believe it and decide from there.