Does any of you think like me ?

Hi everyone, I have a specific fear that I can’t quite pinpoint or name. So, I’m asking you to bake this fear for me. Most people don’t understand me, and I have an irrational fear that back then, fat women were considered beautiful. What we find attractive today is completely different. I’m not talking about any other aspects of attraction; it’s specifically about fat women being seen as the ideal physical figure. This fear implies that attraction is not constant.

Let me explain. When I see a girl with an attractive body, I’m initially drawn to her. Then, I rationalize that it’s because she embodies the ideal, which explains my attraction. (I’m talking about her body, not other aspects of attraction.) This understanding makes me happy about my attraction and reinforces the idea that many guys would feel the same way if they were average. Having many guys attracted to someone I’m attracted to creates social proof, boosting my dopamine levels and sense of power. Imagine being the sole partner of this person. That would make me win over other guys since we’re on the same wavelength of attraction.

Do you understand? It’s like if I was in a race, and we were all driving cars. But if you told me the race included societies of men idealizing fat women in the past, it would be like the race had 18 different finish lines. So, I wouldn’t feel the same rush if I arrived first at the point everyone wanted to reach, compared to arriving randomly with four other guys at point 14.

The constant makes me feel in line with other guys, amplifying my attraction through direct social competition. If I have a partner who’s attractive and other guys want to pursue her, but I’m the only one who does, it means those guys are losers, and I’m the winner. Basically, it’s sexual competition. And as you can see, the more guys in the race, the higher the reward, even just visually, without making any moves.

But if back in history guys were idealizing fat women then that’s whole dynamic of me feeling this sense of dopamine crumbles because it would mean that there is no constant in attraction and that there would be less guys ok the race and therefore make what I like less desirable, a bit like how a Ferrari is seen as a status symbol today if everybody thought it was a bad car then I wouldn’t want to drive one. Do you get what I mean ?

It really terrifies me at an incredible point that fat women could have been seen as idealistically attractive back then because I crave this total dopamine of knowing that guys operate on the same level and that they like the same ideal which makes me liking it even more powerful since it would make me have victory over other guys.