I hate my mother so much

I cannot get over this issue im having where I just can't even look at my mother or respond when she speaks. Like even in the same room, she will talk directly at me and I can't respond because I'm trying to gather my breath and thoughts because I feel so disgusted and smothered by her eye contact.

Everything she says and does makes my skin crawl. The worst thing is, now that she has been on medication and "healed" somewhat from her bipolar, she acts like we can just be friends and move on. I sympathize with mental disorders but I just don't like her as a person, or even love her really.

I have so many disturbing memories, and literally zero pleasant memories with her.

I feel bad saying this but I truly never want to see or hear from her again. I feel worse because she's always reaching out to me, with very loving and kind messages.

Her love is just disgusting to me and I really don't want any of it.

I just hate her so much. What can I do or say to alleviate this issue. Advice please