I can’t stop hating me

I don’t feel like a good part of anyone’s life. I constantly apologize for everything. I feel guilty asking someone to hang out or call me on the phone. Sometimes I’ll leave a hangout if I feel like I’m overstaying my welcome. Or I’ll always cut myself down before someone has the chance to, I’ll make a little joke about a mistake I made before they can, or I’ll apologize all the time. I can’t stop it.

It’s ruining my life. I can’t make new friends because I feel like new people would rather be around friends they already have. I’m NEVER gonna get married. I feel like I’m becoming an inside joke of a friend group when I approach a girl. Not to mention I’m taking up time they could be spending away from me. When I get the idea a girl may be interested I dismiss it instantly, I’ll just say she’s being nice and that she doesn’t see me as anything more.

The worst part though? Hating me feels right. It feels stupid to tell myself anything uplifting. I feel like I’m saying a fact when I tell myself no one truly wants to be around me. I’ve been to therapy and I have no idea where all of this started and idk how to stop it.