Note- first blacked out name is mine, second is daughter’s nickname

The honest summary of this post- as all of us feel, I wish I had a normal mother.

I posted a few weeks ago about emailing my mom after almost 9 months of mostly NC. I spoke with her on the phone 2 weeks ago. In summary, she took responsibility for some things but still projected stuff onto my daughter. I spoke with her directly about this and reiterated much of what I said in the email, and basically repeated past conversations about the issues Ive had with her behavior with my daughter. At one point, she said something about not really understanding the “limits” I take about in my email.

In the conversation, she also told me she had melanoma and had to get a spot removed. I have access to her chart and didn’t see any details about this, so I don’t know if it’s from a doctor in another system, but I found it odd that another one of her doctors wrote “patient tells me she has skin cancer” with no other verification.  She was supposed to have the surgery today.

The text I shared was something she sent me last night. My daughter is not interested in getting into this again with my mother. My mother has no music training and in the past has even encouraged my daughter to go against the what her voice teacher said. She came to the same music competition last year and embarrassed my daughter and all of us during one of the sessions by blabbing to the judge in front of everyone. She also kept making comments about other performers at different times. My daughter does not want her coming, and neither do we.

I didn’t respond to her “request” to attend the competition. I just said we’d keep her in our prayers. This text just indicated to me that she’s just going to keep pushing my boundaries because she didn’t like what I said in the email and on the phone, even though she said she would honor it. Yeah right.

I also didn’t text her today to ask about this surgery (I am not even sure if it’s real to be honest). She texted me some gushy reel tonight and “I love you” with tons of emojis.

I’ve realized that I didn’t really miss her those 9 months. talking with her got a weight off my chest, but having to deal with her (even if I don’t respond) is more annoying to me right now with so many other things going on in my life. Also, we all kind of half heartedly agreed to meet her at a restaurant for Easter, but she pushed and asked if we could come over after. I didn’t respond to that either because we don’t want to. The other problem is that Easter is right before that competition, and I know she won’t like it when I tell her they can’t come.  If she starts more drama, I’m just going to cancel it.

I’ve also told my therapist that I don’t want to just keep talking about my mother for most of these sessions. I’m also not as relieved as I thought I would be after talking with her.

I want to give LC a try, but I don’t have great feelings about it. Apparently she was on hospice (although I don’t have much proof) but came off it to get this surgery and another one after Easter. Again, even though I confronted her about it, she still obviously thinks were responsible for her well being. We are not and can never be.

uBPD mom testing limits after phone call