AIO My partner escalates when I’m not doing well

So my partner, (25 f) and I (30 m), both have mental health and chronic physical conditions. We love each other but have faced some challenges in communication. Especially because she has an anxious attachment style and mine is avoidant.

Anyway, my therapist has encouraged me to start asking her for help and support when I need it. Beginning with smaller requests and building them to help foster better connection, intimacy, and trust. She recently expressed distress over not being one of my “go to” people, so I am trying to better lean into her for support.

Last week, I had a really bad migraine as well as a very long and challenging day at work. I came home, told her that I was feeling especially crappy and requested some quiet time and the ability to decompress. A few hours later, she began to get very upset, expressed dizziness and began involuntarily? shaking on the sofa. She then stood in the middle of our living room acting like she was going to fall over (maybe she was) for about half an hour.

When asked about this, she shared she wasn’t expecting my help on that moment and that she would have requested it if needed. This by itself wouldn’t have been overly distressing, but each time I attempt to share with her that I am experiencing some form of either emotional or physical distress, or both, she begins to shut down and I end up having to comfort her or reassure her.

I feel so defeated and like there is no space for me to have a hard day. I am at the point where I would rather just not tell her than have to deal with the exhausting experience of trying to support both of us at the same time. I’m trying to make sure that I am recognizing when I am dysregulated or viewing things from a skewed lens but I’m also just tired emotionally and physically. AIO?