5 years avoiding one exam

Alright, here’s how I got here. Five years. FIVE YEARS. Yes, that is insane. And yes, 100% on me. I’m not blaming Bipolar or ADHD for my procrastination or goldfish memory. But hear me out.

It started in 2021. Schools shut down, and I thought, “Let’s switch to a private online curriculum, AKA IGCSEs.” Reader, I should have stopped there. School actually forced my brain to work enough to pass most tests, except math. Math still haunts me.

Self-paced learning was a perfect disaster. No deadlines, no structure, just me floating endlessly in procrastination. Add undiagnosed bipolar disorder (which I’m stable and medicated for now), and suddenly a three-year course stretched into five. Every year I told myself, this is it. Every year I ended up in the same place: same notes, same textbooks, paralyzed with shame and regret. Sisyphus has nothing on me.

Learning, which I genuinely love, somehow feels impossible when it’s actually time to study. Executive dysfunction is real. I got diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks ago, and suddenly it all makes sense.

Tiny victory: I finally got registered for the exam (it was honestly the scariest thing ever) because that means there’s a real deadline now. No backing out.

And yet, I’m 21 and terrified of failing this exam. Send help.

P.S. Please be kind. I know I’ve messed up big time, but I’m really trying to change now.