Bisexual Anima and Animus Males Hermesaphrodite Intregration through sexual imaginary meditation

Hi ladies and gentlemen! So this post may get freaky and zesty but I'm completely heterosexual and would regularly have bisexual fantasies about phat thicc bois, trans, and femboys with womanly bodies. So I told a sex counselor and sex psychologist that about my sexual fantasies about being buff and lean and fucking thicc bottoms. I felt disgusted and Shame but reassured me it's a normal sex fantasies. She enlighten me the fit and buff top and thicc and phat bottom are both me that my psyche separated itself to makes sense of it. She said that I must have suppressed my masculine body to be in a weaken state where my unconscious is telling me to get rid of suppressed blockages and the thicc strict bottom is a character that my psyche separated itself to be more comfortable outwardly and expressed it's feminine instincts and sexuality.

But their both me that my psyche tries to makes sense of. So I did some meditation and listening to some audio of samael and lilith sexual union while doing a mudra Shiva Linga Mudra. I imagine myself being lean and buff and meeting the sexy thicc bottom to he in sexual union with. At first I was sexually afraid of fucking another guy but I just say mentally to myself fuck it! It's just a fantasy I'm trying to makr sense and explore.

Do we both fucked abd mated... the more I fucked him, the more I was in bliss both me and him. Til I ejaculated inside and imagined me abd him merging with each other and becoming a hermesaphrodite. Where both of the bisexual symbols became one with my psyche, instead of rejecting the other and creating a sexual dysfunction where I watch porn to temporarily get rid of this urge.

So the first meditation felt great and planning to do this again because my ego will try yo bring that familiar Shane back. Is this a way to intregrate my psyche of two homo/bisexual anima and animus makes become one?

Sorry if this sounds retarded or zesty but this is my first time doing sexual shadow with and curious if I got it right.