I feel bad for myself

I was just brushing my teeth, and I looked at myself in the mirror, stared right into my abyss black eyes. I looked tired, fed up. I feel bad for myself, life is never kind towards anyone, and I just keep making it worse for myself, i don't give myself a break, I don't make excuses for myself, in fact, I sometimes blame myself for things I shouldn't, or at least I used to. I looked at myself, I might be ugly, but does that make me undeserving of love? Does that make me shallow? Does that deprive me from human emotions and needs? I'm sorry for myself, I'm sorry for you pain I caused you, me.. I've apologised to everyone but myself, i was never fair towards myself. I've lived with the feeling of self hate for years, it's the default feeling, and i don't know how to get rid of it, how to be better. I wish it was just that. My experiences have only led me to darker places in my soul, places where the only solution in my mind was ending it. And i would be lying if I said I was very far right now, but at least I know it, I know im suffering, I know it isn't normal and I know i need to change. How tho? And how do I believe that I deserve help? Deserve love? How do I validate my own feelings? It always feels like I don't deserve to be this miserable because my life isn't bad enough, but I genuinely don't know anymore... I want to write more, but I don't know what to say. I just know I'm being unfair to myself, and im wasting valuable time and keeping myself a prisoner in the cage of my thoughts and feelings, full of negativity..