I hate that this is happening to me and I have no girl friends to chat about it with

I don’t need anyone to shame me or judge me, you’re not god, I’ve repented, so leave me be in that sense please. I’m not exactly asking for advice but rather support? I’m just a girl at the end of the day like any of you and sometimes we just need girlies to vent to. My mom isn’t Muslim and she’s out of the country right now, as March comes closer to an end I’m becoming more anxious and worried. You’ll understand why after the long read.

Summer of 2024 I met a guy on reddit. We spoke for 3 months, he is Muslim and I was a believer of one god but raised in a catholic family, didn’t identify as catholic though. We spoke for 3 months, fell for each other and then swapped selfies. We had the talk about religion differences and cultural differences (he’s South Asian and I’m Latina) before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend.

At that point I had made it clear to him my worries about his family not accepting me, he reassured me he’d never let them get in the way of us marrying one day.

Well that was a load of barnacles lol. I had forgiven him since then and I ask Allah to help me lift that lie off my shoulders because sometimes when I think about it too much, I become very sad and hurt.

After being bf/gf for 2.5 months we finally met in person and it was amazing Alhamdulillah. By the 4th month he met my family and expressed that he wanted to marry me. By the 5th month (Dec 2025) we spent a week together in NY and one night he went home to handle some things that happened while he was with me. He came back the next morning and said “I can’t marry you if you’re not Muslim” more went into this conversation, I was set to leave the next morning. He ended up asking me to stay one more day, I did and it was a wonderful last day. That was the last time I saw him in person.

I go back home and begin learning more about Islam, at this point him and I decided to not speak as much anymore due to the fact that I wanted to learn Islam without his influence. By the end of Ramadan last year, March 2025, I took my shahada in the masjid with the imam and a few sisters after setting up Iftar.

April him and I spoke and we spoke more seriously about a lot of things, he spoke with my dad to ask for his blessing to marry me. My dad said no, to speak to his parents first if they were going to have any affect on his decision before thinking of proposing to me. Well, he spoke to his parents and they made a big deal out of me being a “fake” revert and being Mexican. He gave up on us by the end of May 2025. We didn’t speak anymore.

He came back September 2025 asking for another chance, asking if I could wait as he tried to convince his parents again. I said yes because I love him so much. Well, he said he’d speak with them soon, October came and nothing, November nothing, December nothing, January nothing and finally mid February he finally spoke to them. again no.

His mom finally agreed to speak to me, what she said would only be a 30 second call to make him happy turned into almost 2 hours. Yk when you get that feeling that someone really enjoys your company and can speak to you freely? I’m worried I may sound delusional but that’s how I felt that she felt. At the end though she said her opinion doesn’t matter and it never has, that she always follows with what her husband says even if that makes her kids hate her. That made me wonder, why did she say that? She could’ve just said “I’m sorry but I don’t see you being the right fit for my son” she also complimented me and said my parents did a really good job raising me and that I seem a very good girl who is grounded and smart.

This was almost 2 weeks ago now. Him and I decided not to speak anymore and that he was going to talk to his parents again, asked me to give him until the end of March. I have been making a lot of dua during these sacred 10 nights but in a way I wonder, did I waste my time? Then I think no, then I wonder what if it’s a test of sabr and ugh idk anymore. I think it’s all starting to overwhelm me and I am praying I don’t fall into a depression.

Anyway I needed to get that off my chest :/ thank you if you read all that mess 🫶🏻