How do I move forward or on? Am I genuinely a good person for these past mistakes?

I'm sick of continuing this loop, of ignoring the good advice I've been getting, of continuing to murder myself mentally. Yet I still persist.

I know I'm not a saint, I've done terrible things and hurt the one I loved the most, but at the same time I've made a lot of efforts to grow since then. I just want to have this whole thing end.

Please read my profile for context. My question is do you guys think that I'm monster? Or any other of those labels? Or was I truly just a child reenacting trauma in a messed up situation. Should I brush off the words of the people in the past and keep searching or heed the positive advice I've been given.