Bf (34m) had a mental crisis after I (35f) held him accountable.

I keep replaying this stupid video from February 22nd on my phone where we're just laying in bed together, goofing off, laughing, and we keep saying “I love you” back and forth like idiots. It’s one of those little moments that felt real and safe and normal. And then not even 24 hours later everything completely fell apart. For some context, the last few months of our relationship had been rocky. He still had a complicated situation with an ex he broke up with last year, and its caused a lot of tension between us. Their relationship had been very toxic and she had mentioned self-harm and potentially killing herself multiple times, so he felt obligated to keep some level of contact to make sure she didn’t hurt herself.

We had a huge fight about boundariesand almost broke up, but eventually talked it through and tried to move forward. We even took a day off together to reconnect and just spend time together. The next day I got a random Instagram message from an obviously fake account referencing a conversation where he had apparently mentioned getting a restraining order against me while we were fighting.For the record, I have never been violent or anything in my life.

When I showed him the screenshot the next day, he confirmed that he had been talking to his ex about me during the argument, but insisted that what he said was that he was afraid I might get one against him. Before I knew it, the whole situation suddenly became about figuring out who sent the message and everything spiraled from there. I didn’t yell or attack him, I just asked him to be honest and take accountability. The second that happened, it was like he completely shut down. The part that’s driving me a little crazy is that it feels pretty obvious who the message likely came from: his ex. He told me he confronted her about it and they got into a huge argument and he was freaking out because he might never see their cats again. That’s when he got really depressed and everything shifted into him being overwhelmed about that situation instead of us actually addressing what happened between us and then he just disappeared. He would occasionally send these little breadcrumb messages like “I’m still here” or “I’m just trying to process everything.” But if I mentioned how I was feeling, he would accuse me of abandoning him before going ghost again for days. Meanwhile I’m just sitting there in this emotional limbo wondering what the hell is happening. It got to the point where I was like convincing myself I did something wrong by confronting him? Over a week of silence and confusion and feeling like I was just sitting on a shelf somewhere while he “figured things out.”

Why am I expected to just sit there and wait while he disappears whenever things get uncomfortable? I did deactivate my Instagram account for a few days because I was studying for midterms. I finished them yesterday and reactivated it. He has my phone number though, so he could have texted me, I just didn’t want to make some big announcement explaining where I was or basically talk to myself in messages.

Last night I finally broke and messaged him asking if we could please talk because I couldn’t take the silence anymore. He didn’t respond. Not even a “I can’t talk right now.”Nothing.

So this morning, after sitting there all night feeling like I was losing my mind, I finally ended it and told him I couldn’t do this anymore. He still hasn’t responded or even acknowledged it. He hasn’t said anything. I just feel so unbelievably alone right now. What hurts the most isn’t even the breakup. It’s the feeling that my feelings about any of this never actually mattered. The moment he was held accountable for something, the entire situation suddenly became about how overwhelmed he was and how much he was hurting. Somehow I ended up being the one comforting him while he disappeared and left me alone with the mess. But if I finally reach a point where I can’t do it anymore and I walk away for my own sanity, then I’m the one who’s “abandoning” him. I didn’t want to leave because I loved him. I still do bur how long am I supposed to sit on a shelf waiting for someone who won’t even talk to me? Because right now it feels like I lost the person I loved and I’m the only one left here grieving the relationship.