Missed out on it all. Feeling down and defeated

36m. I have been single for 13 years. No dates, nothing. I always thought it would land in my lap. “Just keep doing you, someone will vibe with your energy.” Nope never happened. I started traveling to India every winter and I would stay 4 months at a time traveling, living in ashrams doing volunteer work. I even got stuck in India for all of Covid. Never met a fellow traveler who met my energy. When I would come home I’d just pick up a shitty job, play video games and save money to run back out and adventure. I thought all of this would amount to something. Fast forward to now. I’m single starting to get grey hair, kind of want a family. Have no money, no career. Quit video games last summer. I started rock climbing. after a few months of rock climbing I met a girl. She instantly got my attention in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Instant connection, but she was in the middle of ending her last relationship. So she friend zoned me. We hung out 3 days a week, she would Text me everyday before bed. I helped her move out of her apartment and found myself dreaming of her… I’ve fallen hard for her. Last month she showed up at the rock climbing gym with another guy after clearly being on a date with him. I got jealous and hurt. Later i confronted her with my feelings. She told me we should take a break from seeing each other since my feelings were so intense. We agreed to a month of no contact. I’m devastated, I seem to have anxious attachment, all these feelings that have been dead to me are eating me alive. I have 2 weeks left of no contact. But I honestly don’t know how to process this. I miss my friend but I also know she will probably not show up the same. I need to detach … but 13years … I just want someone to want me … help