My evolution to nihilism

So, we all weren't born nihilists. In fact, many of us had totally different thought processes regarding our existence or the society before. So, let's speak up, how we have ended up being nihilists. I will start. So, basically as you grow up, one thing starts to become absolutely clear that society is fked up. It is the residence of hypocrisy and mediocrity. So, observing it helped me change myself as I began questioning things. Initially, I was of the opinion that capitalism is ok even with it's harms because left ideology is impractical but the harms turned out to be much much greater than I had imagined at that time. I, then, influenced myself with socialist ideologies. I said a people's government would be better and where there exists government ownership but seeing the situation of China and Russia and the past as well, I knew that government would not really do good for people in general. Then, I held communist ideology and said the ownership should be the mass only and we should aspire for that utopia, achievable or not that's a different matter. But true communists really don't exist. Communist leaders fight just to gain power for themselves and then, I became an anarchist. I said fk all kind of authority, people would be all good by themselves. But it soon became clear to me that not all people have that zeal and that fiery approach towards life and they would more or less still be exploited. And I have reached the nihilism now. Nothing really matters. Some would argue that it is like giving up but I know it isn't. Nihilism to me means the end of all the stupid romanticism that one's heart carries. See, what the life is in it's raw state and act as it suits for that instance. I know that nihilism has given my fire a reason and I am much more clearer. I am building a control over myself that I never had before. Uhm uhm, So now, what's your story?