Every day this week

I am fine and forget about the phobia for a minute, then I remember it and I'm back in the cyclone

One second I feel like I could eat a hog roast, the next I'm gagging and afraid of the thought of food, even water, the absolute trauma trying to swallow that anti emetic

To the point the anxiety completely overrides it, I'm so fucking scared of it happening, it's almost like I make it happen, every time this week, I was like oh yeah I forgot I was scared of v* and all of a sudden I'm feeling like I'm about to and I'm hyper aware of everything, I tense up and it's like I'm about to v* but no I sit there and have a panic attack until I exhaust myself to sleep...

I wake up, feel fine, even hungry, and imagining food, then all of a sudden fucking anxiety about what would happen if I was to feel nauseous and have a stomach full of food and now I can't think, I'm frozen, grabbing the pressure points and using every trick I know to ease the nausea, it seems like it works but I just fucking start thinking about it again and now I'm back to feeling n* and panic rises and now I'm panicking harder and I'm hyperventilating and finding a spot that seems to feel comfortable and sit there for hours, any movement it's like it upsets the balance and I'm back into panic mode ...

this has happened purely from anxiety, as I have been fine up until and after I worried myself, it only happens when I fear it.... Which is daily but for some reason right now it's really pulling the rug underneath me and all I need to do is fear the thought of it... I ffs..

I FEEL LIKE A SLAVE TO THIS PHOBIA AND I HAVE FUCKIN HAD ENOUGH

ALL MY FUCKING LIFE YOU HAVE HAD ME, NOW GO