Completely broken rn

idk where to put this, idk if this will be taken down, but I don’t have any other trans friends and my boyfriend is either asleep or ignoring me bc I yet again let my emotions get the best of me, I hung up on him because I was crying and he didn’t even look at me or tried to calm me down.. but I called back and then asked what he was doing he said “finding the best way to make money” as if I wasn’t having a break down.. I told him what was wrong that i still see a male in the mirror.. he does all he can for me while he’s away , he’s supposed to see me tomorrow and now idk if he’s asleep or ignoring me.. I’ve been blowing his phone up , his discord everything pleading with him to just open my messages so I can know what the deal is.. idk anymore I told him I was sorry and I said I’m going to either go to bed or hurt myself, I never intend for these things to happen I’m legitimately bipolar and I can’t control how I feel sometimes.. so idk I just need some type of comfort.. I’m sorry for everything I really am, I don’t have friends.. and I just crave his love. Idk what to do anymore but if anyone can help me feel better it is welcome.. like this is a call for fukin help, I need help.. rn Idek what I’m saying but.. I’m sorry idk what else to do but apologize to the world for being such a weird little bitch all the time.. if anyone would like to talk to me or be friends my instagram is @immaculatetrashh, my discord is 2hybby.. and yeah.. Gn y’all.. this subreddit is one of the things that actually gives me hope about myself bc I don’t actually feel alone when people comment.. but ya idek