i’ll always be predatory

i’ll never get to experience normal womanhood even if i want to so bad. i’ll never be able to form bonds with other girls because the fact that i’m a lesbian makes them uncomfortable. and if they don’t feel uncomfortable around me, then they just use me as a practice boyfriend until they find an actual man and drop me.

i just wish i got to experience womanhood too. i didn’t get to even be in locker rooms in high school without other girls talking about me and saying that i never should’ve been in there in the first place. i can’t hook up with other women for some form of a connection, because then i just get labeled as a “dangerous” womanizer.

even though i’m extremely feminine, somehow everyone can just sense it on me. other women view me as more of a man than a woman, and men view me as more of a woman than a man. i can’t fit anywhere right. i hate it. i wish i didn’t make other women feel uncomfortable. i wish i could rip out all my insides so i could take out whatever makes me like this. i’ll never have any sort of meaningful connections to anyone and i’ll always be alone. i’ll continue to miss out on womanhood and the bonds that come with it, no matter how hard i try to fit in.