Always felt like I will take myself out or die young

I always felt deep inside me my ending will be suicide. I want to live and be happy. But i have these thoughts like that is my fate. And that’s how God planned it for me or something

My childhood was difficult and lonely. I went through poverty, sexual abuse, been neglected and had an alcoholic parent who overdosed. I really do not feel I am affected by these things.

I just am an unhappy adult. And I do not understand why I feel I won’t live long. I see nothing ahead. No husband, no kids, no money, no success, no career. Just a fast ending.

How do I stop these thoughts. And what do they mean.