When major depressive disorder convinces you you’re the ugliest person on earth

Diagnosed with severe recurrent major depressive disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety.

Lately I’ve noticed that I tend to fixate on my physical appearance when my mental health is declining, and I think it’s because it’s the one thing I have some control over. It’s like my brain decides that since I can’t control my horrible living situation, my PMDD-induced monthly bouts of suicidal ideation, my relationship with my family, or the weight of my past, my physical appearance is going to be the center of my focus.

When I catch myself thinking I look like the most hideous human being to ever exist and nitpicking every detail of my body, it’s usually because there’s something else going on, and that other thing is the true source of my distress