i cant stop getting reminded

it feels like everything reminds me of him, i dont want to leave home because i dont want to see anything anymore. its the stupidest shit that gives me reminders i want to go back in time when i actually wanted to be alive. ive been getting dreams at night about him, its like my body cant stop thinking about him. i want to leave and never come back. i hate my body and how much he enjoyed it i just want to be someone else. its unfair how this is my only life and this is how i have to live it