I want off on Lamotrigine I’m scared the side effects are permanent

I’ve been taking this drug since September, I was on 25MG and I took 25MG until November, which was then upped to 50MG. I started 75MG in February but I’m very concerned about two things.

One, it’s not making my mania any better. I’m still barely sleeping, eating, and still “annoying everyone around me” (my dad’s words). And two, I don’t know what tf this med has done to me I keep dropping my phone, my books in class, my balance is off I keep forgetting words I’ll put my phone in the most random place and completely forget where I put it. I’ll look for my things for hours to either never find it, or find it in the most random place I forget to text people back and honestly? I fucking hate this drug. The side effects are more annoying if anything but it hasn’t helped my mood AT ALL I’m just clumsy, forgetful, and breaking shit.

Is this shit permanent I know I’m on a low dose but I hate this :/